Monday, August 16, 2010

Something To Keep In Mind...

8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-9;16-18

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Maybe if I blog about it, it will get better...

So about a month ago, something happened. Someone broke into our house and stole my laptop and $120. Out of everything in our house, that was it. So on some level, I feel fortunate. There are so many other things that could have been taken, but they were not. On another level, I am very angry and hurt and sad. My laptop had my LIFE on it! All my pictures, music, things I've done for work...GONE! Things that are irreplaceable. And what's worse is, I was planning on backing everything up the weekend that it happened...stupid on my part.

The problem with this situation is simple. I feel like it had to have been someone we knew b/c of what was taken and the time of day that it happened. I mean, come on. We have TVs, gaming systems, a desktop PC...and the only thing they took was my laptop and money from Seth. They knew what they wanted and where it was b/c the money was not in plain sight. AND they took the power cord for the laptop, but took out my iPod cord out of the computer and left it sitting on my desk. Really. Thanks for being thoughtful and leaving that, but with my laptop you took my iTunes...WITH ALL OF MY MUSIC FOR MY IPOD!

I am not a person who holds grudges by nature, but I can't seem to let this go. There are HOURS worth of work gone that I have to redo. I've slowly but surely been getting my music back. My pictures are completely and totally gone, and I'm STILL kicking myself. I am angry, hurt, disappointed..and I have no where to channel that. I don't know what to do with these emotions. And yes, it is over something semi-silly. But then again, it's not silly at all to me.

The moral of this story is simple: BACK UP YOUR COMPUTERS!! Then, at least, you'll have everything to put on another computer. And it's really sad when you feel can't trust anyone...b/c that's what got us into this in the first place. Someone took advantage of our trust and our loyalty. I can pretty much promise that it won't happen again.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


I lay here with my eyes closed, and a soft breeze whispers across my skin. I lay here thinking of you; the past, the present, and even the future. I see how far we have come, and yet we have so much further to go. The milestones, and even the obstacles, stretch before us. They sit there waiting for us to come to them; to pass them and leave them in our wake. But only to leave countless ones still on the horizon, still waiting patiently for us. And all we can do is continue on in hopes of finding peace and hope.

In the past there is pain and hurt. It has been caused by us all, and can never be undone. It will always be waiting in the shadows, hoping for one of us to bring one of them back into the light and use them against each other. Pettiness and greed, feelings forgotten and discarded. The sadness can be overwhelming, but only if we let it. In the corner of that place, there is also hope and forgiveness. A longing to move on and to forget. But they say that we can never forget. We can only hope to forgive and move past it.

There is also love and happiness resting in the past. Smiles shining brightly, attempting to overcome and erase the pain. Those are the milestones that keep us going, reminding us that there is more than anger and tears. There is love that runs deeply and passionately, rolling over us and giving us hope and faith in each other.

The present is a mixture of both trials and joy. While it seems that there is always grief and heartache, there is also excitement and contentment. When that one door closes, we are promised another one to be opened. But you have to be willing to let it open for you. You need an open heart and mind, a willingness to put one foot in front of the other, even with the darkness trying to close it in your face. Fall to your knees; allow the goodness to overcome the evil.

The future waits for us, untold and wondering. I’ll take your hand and hold it. I’ll give you the strength that you need, but I need yours in return. Alone we are only half of the force we could be. Together we can conquer all. We can pass by those obstacles and only visit the milestones. We can leave the blame and hurt feelings behind. We can focus on the love and trust we share together. We can find that happiness that no one believes exists anymore.

So as I lay here with my eyes closed, knowing that there are things to come, I smile. The breeze flutters once more, reminding me of reality and that I am never truly alone. My heart is full and beating quickly in anticipation. Just know that together, anything is possible. We defy the odds that others gave us.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Things That Make Me Who I Am...

1. My kids (aka my life). They make me strive to be the very best person that I can be.

2. My husband (aka my soul mate). He makes me want to be better at things that I only feel mediocre at these days. And he loves me, no matter what I do or say..and I've been looking for that constant my entire life. My kids definitely fall into this category as well.

3. My friends (aka my soul). They keep me accountable. They help me remember who I am and support me through everything.

4. My family. Even though I don't feel as though they are as unconditional with their love as they should be, they are still there if I need them.

I've been feeling cynical and down lately. Sometimes I feel so alone and that the only people that I have are Seth and the kids. But then I realize that that is partly my fault. Why do I shut people out? I ask this question a lot, I know, but I can't help it. I don't understand what it is inside of me that makes me do it. And in all reality, family (when I say "my", I mean Seth, Brooklyn, and Wil) is more than enough. But I still need the support from my friends that I tend to push away. I still need that outside outlet.

My family (parents, sisters, etc.) has made me feel like such an outsider in the last months. I feel excluded and unwanted. And maybe that's where all of this stems from...I'm not sure. I know what I need to do is tell them how I feel, but it seems that whenever I do that, it gets brushed off and they make me feel like these emotions are unwarranted and silly. Maybe that's where all of this has started. We always used to be so close, and now they still are....just minus me and my family. Don't get me wrong; they happily include my least most of the time. And I'm glad for that. Otherwise I would cut myself off completely from them. I NEVER want my children to feel the hurt that I've felt over the years.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Things I Want...

So I've fallen off the planet a little bit lately. Everything has been crazy, and I've shut myself out of the social circle for awhile. But in light of all the events lately, there's been something on my mind and on my heart. I want to make sure that my kids know what I want for them out of life, especially if, God forbid, anything happen to me and I'm not here to tell them myself. So here goes....

1. Be passionate. I want you both to find something in life that you can be passionate about and go at with full force. I've been passionate about quite a few things in my life such as horses, volleyball, writing, and family. You 2 make my life worth living and you get me through all the hard days. So find that something and hold onto it.

2. Be forgiving. Sometimes this is a hard one, but it's so important. Don't hang on to silly things and let them get in the way. Please understand that people do not always make the right choices in life, but they need someone to realize this and help them. It's easy to stay mad at someone, but it shows true character to forgive and move on from it. Always do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

3. Have a sense of humor. Life can be made a little less harsh with some laughter. Try to always find the bright side of things and humor in situations whenever possible. It may not always be there, but if you dig deep enough...anything is possible.

4. Find love. Love is the greatest emotion, as well as the hardest and most frustrating. But wow! When you find it, it will blow you away and it won't let you go. The only person I have ever loved is your dad, but I love him to the best of my ability. I would go to the ends of the earth and back for him. And I would do the same for you.

5. Be happy. Again, it's not always the easiest thing to do, but it's worth the fight to find it. You can only be happy if you let yourself, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I've been through some dark times in my life where I did not know if there would ever be happiness again. But I always perservered and it's always been there waiting for me. Just leave yourself open to it.

6. Don't second guess yourselves! You know yourself better than anyone else, and you know what is right and what is wrong. There will always be someone to help you along the way, but in the end...think about you and what you need and want.

7. Love yourself no matter what. If you don't love yourself, no one else can either. You are amazing people and the world deserves to see that.

8. Have faith. If ever you feel like you have hit rock bottom, close your eyes and know that there is no where else to go but up. Let God into your life and let Him help you. Pray and be humble.

9. Remember who your true friends are in this life. You will come across people and you will think that they are your friends. But sometimes that is not always the case. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people who will always stand by you and not leave you alone when times get tough. I've been VERY blessed with the friends that I have, and I would not trade them for anything. They are people who are strong, supportive, and always there for me...even if I go a month without talking to them. Those are the ones who will be by your side in your darkest moment or your happiest day.

10. Know that I will always love you, no matter what. You can make mistakes because that's how you learn. I will NEVER make you feel like you are not good enough or that you are alone. I will love you because you are Brooklyn and Wil, the lights of my life. And if ever you are feeling completely alone and feel there is no one else, I pray that you know you can come to me with anything.

11. Always love one another. If ever there is someone who will be there for you, it will be your brother or your sister. Always stay close to each other and never lose contact. I hope you have a relationship like your daddy and Aunt Angel do because they would do anything for the other one. And you need that rock in your lives.

This only scratches the surface of what I want to say, but you get the general idea. Brooklyn and Wil, you changed my life and changed me for the better. I never thought that I would make a good mom, but you make me feel like I could change the world if I wanted to. I love you :)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

To Be Grateful...

I am SO grateful for my family. I am also so grateful for our health and to be able to be together with no one trying to interfere. And for anyone who does not have that joy, I feel a deep pain and sorrow.

A friend of mine lost her husband to cancer today. He has been fighting it for awhile, but spread and there was nothing that could be done. He was only 21 years old, and it makes me SO sad that he will not be able to watch his little boy, Zane, grow up and become a man.

And it also makes me wonder how poor Jessica could be so strong when the outcome was inevitable. I know it was hard, and I know that no one knows their real strength until it is put to the test. But to know that you are going to lose someone, no matter what you do...I just cannot even begin to fathom that. And I pray that I will never have to endure that. And guiltily, I feel relieved and thankful that my husband and kids are fine and beautiful and healthy.

On another note, I do want to talk about amazing my husband can be. Last week I was feeling exhausted, run down, and weary...physically, mentally, emotionally...and he saw this. And he asked me what was wrong. I told him that nothing was wrong, and he told me to quit lying to him. Now Seth doesn't do emotional very well, and he'll tell you that. So what I said to him was this, "I don't talk to you about these things b/c I know you don't like to deal with them. But I feel like I'm down on my knees right now and I can't get up. Everything is piling up and I just don't know how to get through it. I just want to run away b/c I don't feel like I have the strength to deal with it all." And he says to me, "This is what marriage is about. I'm your other half, and I'm here to carry you when you can't do it alone. But if you don't let me, I can't be there for you." And things have been blissful ever since. I love him for who he is and what he does for me and how he loves me (even when I don't feel like I can be loved). And I'm thankful for him every day. Plus he gave me the 2 best kids ever...and that's an even better reason :)

Friday, May 8, 2009

Where Does The Time Go??

Life is just going by so quickly these days! Here are some of the recent highlights:

1. We had our Fun Meet at work last weekend, and it was oh so adorable :) We hit quite a few snags a long the way, but it all came together in the end. And that's all that's all about the beauty of the effort.

2. I registered my big boy for kindergarten! REALLY?!? I just don't understand how it is already time for that! It's not fair :( But he truly is ready and completely who I am to rain on his parade?

3. I am planning my final event for the year...thank GOD! I'm ready for all the stress to be over and done. My last All Star Meet will happen next weekend, and then I should be done until December. It's a big one, so cross your fingers for me!!

4. Well, it hasn't happened yet...but Seth and I are having our 1 year anniversary on Sunday! Again, REALLY?!? This year has FLOWN by and I can't believe we're about to start a new one. In September, we will have been together for 10 years...and it's also my 10 year reunion for high school. Man, I'm getting old :)

5. I'm trying to be more positive, but it's really hard when it's raining all the time and I'm super tired. However, the effort and want is there.

6. Finally, WifeSwap is OVER!!!!! What started out as exciting turned into a royal pain in the butt, and emotionally draining for my poor bosses. But that's a post in and of itself. I'll try to get the whole story down soon. But for those who want to watch, it should be airing 4 weeks from today.

And that's that for now :)