Monday, September 22, 2008

A New Day...

So a few days ago I posted a blog that was extremely negative and questioning of myself. It wasn't up for very long, so if you missed it...consider yourself lucky ;) If you read it, I apologize sincerely! The thing is that sometimes it's hard not to focus on the negative things in life. Especially when it seems as if that is all that is happening to you, and there are no positives to give you a little hope. But once it is all over, once you've had a chance to breathe and reflect, things can be seen in a whole other light.

Yes, I will admit it. I was having a pity party for myself. I had a few bad days and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and dwell upon it. However, when you're a mom...there is just no time for that. So Saturday after my week from hell was over, I let myself relax and enjoy time with my family. And then Seth and I had a date night that was perfect. And then life just didn't seem so bad. You have to remember what is important and what makes you happy. My family does that for me, and I refuse to let anything tarnish that in any way. I will no longer allow my job to put me in such a bad mood that I take it out on my kids. I will no longer run myself ragged and have no energy left to spend on my family. They will come first, and if I ever lose sight of that, I hope someone smacks me and tells me to wake up!

So, there. I said it. I am planning on taking a few steps back at work in order to focus more on my family and my life. That may not be taken too kindly, but it doesn't matter. There are other jobs out there. If someone cannot accept that, then it is their loss. No matter how discouraged I feel, I KNOW that I am good at what I do, and I love it and have passion for it. If I have to find another channel for it, I will. Tomorrow is a new day. Life will go on, and a new chapter will open. I will embrace it with open arms and wait patiently for it all to unfold.

Monday, September 15, 2008

What Is The Point?

What a loaded question that could cause lots of speculation and discussion. However, I believe that it is much more simple than that. The question REALLY is "What is the point of all of this? Of life and death and everything in between?". It's different for every single person out there. What one person gets out of an experience could be the complete opposite for another person. But that's what is so great about people. We learn from one another, take in what someone else has seen or experienced. It's one of the great things about life.

Life is a precious gift, and one that should not be taken for granted. We should use it and experience it to the best of our abilities. We should not abuse it and waste it because it is definitely not something that we get a second chance at later on. Don't make stupid decisions when you know better! Embrace everything beautiful and wonderful and cherish them. Make your life something you will not look back on and regret. Achieve your dreams and help others achieve theirs. Thank God everyday for everything that you have and the people in your lives. And make sure they know that they are loved and appreciated. Don't hold grudges because they are stupid and honestly, nothing good can come from it. Have a forgiving heart, although we all know that forgetting is a little harder. Be sure to treat others as you would want to be treated.

Experience love to the greatest extent. It can be the most amazing thing, yet the most painful as well. Understand what passion is in every way possible. Find it in your work, your hobbies, your family, your significant other, and in life in general. Something is not worth doing if you aren't going to give it your all and believe in it. Have faith in yourself and in others. It really is true what they say, you know. No one can love you until you love yourself. Take pride in who you are and what you stand for. Don't be afraid to be yourself! No one can tell you that you are not worth it because you are! If you were not worth it, God would have never made you. Figure out who your true friends are and hold them close. They are few and far between, and you need every single one of them. Kids are beautifully honest and unconditionally loving. Try not to taint them too quickly and let them see that the world is beautiful, and without ugliness, for as long as possible.

I don't know what the point is in all honesty. The point is that there is a reason for everything, no matter how good or how bad. Life is bumpy and sometimes unfair. But the road evens out eventually, and letting friends and family be your support system will help that happen even more quickly. Just remember that there is ALWAYS a point to it all. It may not always be blatantly obvious, but it is there. Have a little faith.

Sunday, September 14, 2008


So I had the coolest experience today! I went to my grandparents house for dinner, and my Pepa was super excited. Ever since I was a little kid, my grandparents have always put out hummingbird feeders. My Pepa would set up a video camera and tape them for hours. But never would they let us get close to them. But today my grandfather was in awe. For the past couple of days, there have been about 10 of them flying around the feeder and fighting for a spot. Normally around this time of year, hummingbirds are heading south for the winter. So I suppose most people have already put their feeders up, except for Pepa.

He said, "Jennifer, it's amazing! I took the feeder to fill it up, and I saw them all flying around the window like they were watching me. And when I took it outside, they were all around me!" I thought to myself, "What a great thing to happen to him." And then he told me to go outside, stand still, and see what happens. I was skeptical, I'll admit it. But I had no right to be.

I stood by the feeder with Brooklyn watching through the window inside. I heard something like a loud bee, and out of the corner of my eye I see a hummingbird. Then all of sudden there was 5. And then seriously, about 10 of them! I've never heard them chirp before, but you could hear them talking to one another. And the wind off of their wings was incredible! They were flying around my head, stopping to check me out. And I could feel their wings fluttering across my cheek and forehead. They were beautiful and cute and just plain awesome!

I've just never experienced anything like that before. They were in no way aggressive, just curious and hungry :) I've been feeling a little down the past few days, so this was kind of a pick me up that I just had to share. My mom tried to get a few pictures, but not sure if they turned out or not. If they do, I'll be sure to post them. Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

2 Years Ago..

I can still remember the day like it was last week. It was September 10, 2006 and I was throwing a baby shower for my best friend, Tiffany. I got a phone call from my manager at work in the middle of it, and that's when it all happened. My good friend, Courtney, had been in a car accident early that morning. My first question to Leslee was, "Is she ok?" And that's when I learned that she had been killed. The pain and hurt is still there, and probably always will be. However, what they say is true...time does heal wounds, but the scars are there forever. And the emotions grow numb over time, but you still feel those painful twinges every now and then.

Courtney was an amazing person. We worked together, which is how we met. But we just clicked so quickly, and we became fast friends. We would go eat lunch at Marina's on the square, chat on the phone, and hang out whenever we could. I honestly never saw her angry or mad. She had an amazing quality of always smiling and letting the negative things roll off her back. I can still remember how she would laugh things off and say they were not worth worrying about. I wish I were like that, and I try to be. But it just doesn't come easily to me.

I still wonder why someone so young and who still had so much to experience could be taken away so quickly. I know God has a plan and a reason for everything, but it still sucks. She was 2 months away from being 22 years old when it happened. She was in her last year of college and she had big plans for the future. I could go on questioning it forever, but I won't. I just try to accept it and know that she is in a better place.

I still work with Courtney's best friend, Erin. We were not close and did not really know each other when Courtney's accident happened. But she talked to me about Erin and talked to Erin about me. And so in the aftermath, we became friends and we share that bond. Erin is also an amazing person and we have just as much in common. And it's like I told her today, Courtney brought us together and because of her, we have a special kind of friendship. We talk about her a lot and we've visited the cemetery together. And I can't speak for Erin, but it makes it a little easier for me knowing that she knows exactly how I feel.

I went to Moe's a couple of weeks ago with my friend Rachel. That was where Courtney also worked, and I have not been able to set foot in there since her accident. But I felt like it was time and I'm glad that I did. I've learned the details of Courtney's death since it happened, and it gives me some peace. I miss her daily b/c every time I drive to my dad's house, I have to go by the spot where she was killed. And every time I think about her and say a little prayer. I am a stronger, more positive person b/c of Courtney. She taught me some life lessons in the short time that I was privileged to know her. I just hope that someday I can look back and smile instead of feeling such sadness on this day.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

The Weekend

So here I sit, procrastinating on a Saturday morning. I REALLY need to get ready and start my errands for the day, but instead here I am...enjoying my coffee and wishing it could be a lazy day. I guess I'm just annoyed with myself mostly. I can't straighten my hair b/c of my stupid arm, so now I am protesting for some stupid reason. It just goes to prove my point that I need a live in hair dresser. And if I were rich, I would totally hire my sister Michelle for the job :)

So I'm throwing a baby shower for my friend Jamie today. She's having her 3rd boy in late October/early November. His name will be Jackson Cash Owen, which I think is adorable and fits into their family perfectly. She tends to have big babies, so they will probably induce her around 37 weeks. Her last one was over 11 lbs, and that was at 37 weeks too! So anyway, her shower won't be anything fancy, but it should be fun and it will be nice to hang out with everyone. And then I get to turn around do this AGAIN next month for Angel, my sister-in-law. But that's ok b/c she's having my nephew, Grayson Ryan Smith. And in a few months will come Michelle's baby shower, which hopefully will be for a girl ;)

Speaking of Michelle, she's about 11 weeks along now. She's not getting quite so sick, but it's still there. And man, those hormones are raging! I just feel bad for her. And Raymond is gone for a couple of weeks, so she feels lonely on top of it. So we're gonna hang tonight, maybe watch a movie or just have some dinner. And *fingers crossed* hopefully she'll feel better.

Wil learned something new at school yesterday and it's adorable! She sent home their daily report and it said to ask him another word for "big crash". So I asked him, and he said, "Monumental crash". It cracked me up :) Brooklyn is doing awesome in school as well. She has yet to bring home a bad daily report, and she's doing well on most of her work. On the things she is not doing well, it's b/c she's not taking her time. My friend, Rachel, and I seem to be having that same problem with our 1st graders on this. But she's getting better about it, and the teacher is working with her on it as well.

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend :)

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Bummed & Confused

So I've hit another funk in the last couple of days. I think it basically just stems from so many things going wrong and things being out of my control. Yesterday I slipped and put my arm through our glass storm door and it cut it all up. So I had to miss work and they were not happy about it. I understand that, I truly do. And we've been having a lot of problems with people not showing up and calling out for stupid reasons lately. But it wasn't my fault! It's not like I did it on purpose. So I went by there yesterday afternoon just to prove that it wasn't something that I made up.

So today I was supposed to go to Shelbyville to start teaching again, and although I was not looking forward to it b/c of my arm, I was going to suck it up and do it. So I took the kids to school this morning and came home to do a few things before I headed out. Ms. Mandy (Wil's teacher) called to say they had found a little rash behind his left ear and it was either a form of chicken pox that is going around or ringworm. Either way, I had to go get him and take him to the doctor to find out. Grrrrrrrrrrreat. Not that I minded picking him up, but that meant no work. So I called one of my bosses, who was not happy, and I don't blame her honestly. But again, it was completely out of my control! It's not like I told Wil to get sick and make me miss work for the 2nd day in a row. *Sigh* I just hate it and I felt SO guilty about it...but honestly, my family comes before my job. And it would be the same way if it were my bosses' kid that got sick. I was in tears when I talked to her, but there was nothing I could do.

So now I'm at a crossroads. I love my job and what I do, and in all reality, my bosses are pretty great too. They've helped me out countless times when I've needed it. I just feel like I can't do this job to my full ability right now. Maybe it's time to move on and find a job where I work during the day and can be home with the kids when they get out of school. I just don't know or how to figure it out. I think I'll just set up a meeting with my boss and talk to him about it. And I've had these thoughts before, but then something would happen and change the circumstances and make things ok for me there. I just don't think that's going to happen this time.