Thursday, July 31, 2008

Willie's First Full Day

So Wil had his first full day of preschool today. All day long I missed him and wished that I could go get him. They weren't joking when they said it would be harder for the parents than the kids. But I kept myself busy. Brooklyn and I chilled at home until 11am and then we headed over to CEC to play and hang out with some friends. Rachel, McAngie, and Melissa G met us over there and we ate pizza, spilled some drinks, and played some games. It was pretty awesome and thanks for coming out with us, ladies! Then we picked Seth up some lunch and ran it to him at work. After we hit up Krogers it was FINALLY time to get pick up Willie!

We got there and he ran to me and hugged me. It was one of the best moments of my life so far ;) I asked him how his day was and he told me it was great. Ms. Mandy said he had no problems and was an angel for her. Lucky lady! So we walked to the truck with Wil telling me about his lunch of a taco and chocolate milk and then about the songs they sang. And, "Oh yeah, mommy! We got to play on the playground too!" It made me laugh, but I'm glad that he loves it and looks forward to it. He doesn't go back again until Monday, and he'll go all day with all 20 kids for the first time. Hopefully it will all still be good.

This is my last Saturday working! They hired someone new in the office, so I'm working a little more on Fridays and get the weekends off! Can ya tell I'm excited??! And then on Saturday night I'm heading to Camino Real with some of my girls to get some time away from everything, and I can't wait! It's been way too long. That's about all that's going on right now. I'm gonna try to sneak in a blog tomorrow about the reasons why I love Willie, so stay tuned! :)

Monday, July 28, 2008

Showin Some Love to My Kids...

So I've decided to blog about my kids individually to let you all know what I love about each of them and why I think they're so freakin cool :) So let's start with Brooklyn since she's the oldest...

1. I love that she is so carefree. I can barely remember how it is to be like that, but sometimes I try when it is just her and I. It really sets off her personality, and I think it's awesome.

2. She's a hard worker. She's kinda like me in this way, and I never really noticed it about myself until Seth told me one day that it was something he loved about me. I LOVE to try new things, but I HATE being bad at them. So if I do something like that, I work really hard at it until I feel like I've mastered it. Brooklyn is the same way. She has been doing gymnastics since she was 2 1/2 years old. I always saw that she was decently good, but she's just so silly sometimes and just wants to have fun. Well, at the beginning of the summer her coach and I decided to go ahead and move her to the All Stars team to see how she would do. It's a lot of hard work, and at first she didn't like it. I didn't know if she would want to continue in it, or just go back to the regular rec class. Well, she has worked SO hard this summer! She's getting a lot stronger, and she now has her handstand as well as her splits. She's moving right along on bars and beam as well. I'm just so dang proud of her for proving me wrong :)

3. She is super honest, even when she knows it could get her in trouble. Now, there's a fine line of being honest and being nasty about it. And kids really don't know the difference until we teach them. But Brooklyn is not a liar, and even if she tries to be one, she can't hold it up for very long. She gives in and tells the truth, and usually unprompted to do so. I think that's going to work really well for her in the future.

4. She is a loving person. Brooklyn isn't one to shun people. If she is somewhere, and a kid is all alone with no friends, she will go to that child and play with them. She is by nature a caregiver, and it melts my heart.

5. She always tries to do the right thing. It's so hard as a kid to do that, and it's our job as parents to teach them right and wrong. Now she is only 6 years old, and sometimes can't help doing things that seem fun, even if she knows that she should not be doing them. But for the majority of the time, she really tries to do what she knows is right.

6. She's fun! Man, does that kid like to go and do things. She loves to do things and doesn't really like sitting still. So I know when I say that we're going to do something, she's going to be excited, no matter how small it is.

These are just a few of the reasons why Brooklyn is so great. If I kept going, the post would go on for days :) God gave her to me at just the right time in my life. I was on a really bad path that was taking me no where. She saved me from myself and the world around me. And that's why her middle name is "Faith". I've posted about why that word means so much to me, and everyday she reminds me of it. I cannot wait to see what kind of person she turns out to be. Hopefully she won't have too much of me in her ;)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

A nice, quiet boring post for you....

I am SO happy to report that this will be a whine free post :) I just wanted to officially say that my funk is over!! I really think my hormones are just getting worse for about a week every month. It does make me feel like a big baby, though. But THANK YOU for all the encouraging comments, guys. It's always nice to know that you aren't alone.

So it's Sunday and we are all being completely lazy. I'm exhausted from the weekend! Friday night was Parent's Night Out at work, so Brooklyn and I didn't get home until almost 11pm. It was a lot of fun, though, and some easy money. Then yesterday we had to get up early b/c I had to work and Brooklyn had class. Then it was off to a birthday party for the afternoon and evening. There was a huge inflatable water slide, so the kids were exhausted by the end of it, even though it scared them a bit. Megan came home with us and spent the night, and then Seth and I watched some UFC. This morning I got up and made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and then headed off to Walmart for groceries and Willie's school supplies. I can't believe he starts preschool next week! I'm really not looking forward to it, even though I know he needs it. Anyway, so now I'm hangin with the fam and waiting for it to be time to make my famous cajun chicken pasta. It's pretty yummy, and my family always asks for it.

So anyway, that was my weekend. Back to work tomorrow, and also a family meeting with Wil's preschool teacher. Hope everyone else had a great weekend as well! :)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

An admission to an addiction...

So obviously I've been a little down lately, no big deal. We all hit our funks, it's just human. However, there's been something on my heart a lot lately. It's something that's very hard for me to talk about or admit to these days. And it's definitely not something that I am proud of either. But I don't know, I just feel like it's something I need to get out. And what better place than here? If you read my blog, you're more than likely someone that I'm close to and care about. And friends don't judge, right? Well, we can hope anyway ;)

I've always struggled with my weight, ever since I was little. There were always these girls that were skinny and beautiful, and I just was not. I started to slim down in high school because I was really active riding horses and playing volleyball, but still not to my standards. And then there was the dating scene. I feel for my daughter when she hits this stage, and I'm going to do my best to help her get through it and not feel the pressure that I did. Anyway, so I graduated from high school in 1999. I was by no means in the popular crowd, but I got a long with everyone. I had known most of my classmates for years b/c I went to the same school from preschool until graduation. At 19 years old, I really don't know what happened. I got into some bad stuff, but no one really knew about it. I developed an eating disorder (bulimia), and thought that was the answer to everything. And you know what? It worked. I dropped some serious weight, and I kept getting told how good I looked. But I was ALWAYS tired. I really didn't get any of the other side effects, though. I felt like I had it pretty well under control. Then Seth and I split up, and things got really bad. My dad figured it out and made me go to the doctor and see a psychologist. This didn't do anything for me b/c he didn't even talk to me about my eating disorder, so I just stopped going. Fast forward a little bit, and Seth and I are back together. I'm still purging, at least when I was eating. And that wasn't happening very often either. Then I got pregnant with Brooklyn, and it stopped. And it also started up again soon after she was born. Then came Willie, and it stopped again. But started up after he was born as well. Then one day, I just decided that enough was enough. I had 2 kids that depended on me, and I couldn't afford to do something so destructive to myself when these 2 people needed me more than anything. And yes, I have relapsed a few times but I've been able to pull myself out of the hole without anyone knowing.

My point is that yes, bulimia is a disease BUT it is also an addiction. It's something you feel like you need, just like nicotine. If you eat something or just too much, you get in a panic and you need to get it out of your body. That's how I would feel anytime that I would eat. And that makes for a very unhealthy relationship with food. And I love to eat, I always have. I just really have to watch myself so that I don't get into that mind frame again. It's hard b/c I've never had a fast metabolism and my weight has always been up and down. And I guess the whole reason for this post is that my weight is a little up right now, and I'm trying to stay away from old habits.

Now...the big question is, will I tell Brooklyn about this one day? I will if she asks me. I will in no way give her anything positive about this, but tell her instead of all the emotional wreckage it caused in my life. I just don't want her to feel like it's the only way. And maybe I'll get lucky and she'll never even have an urge to do it and she'll be strong enough to stand up against peer pressure. I just pray that my choices will never affect her.

So thanks for letting me open up a little bit here. I'm going to try to do it more often because it helps me grow as a person and also gives you a little insight into what makes me the person that I am today. If I offend anyone, I apologize. But the truth hurts sometimes, and if our experiences can help someone else out, then offending one person is a small price to pay, don't you think?

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Things that have been happening...

So this past Wednesday was a HUGE day! My sister, Michelle, was engaged to a very good friend of mine, Raymond (affectionately known as Ray Ray). They were planning to get married in February, but something happened and they did this past week. I'm so happy for them because they are seriously 2 of my favorite people and I totally believe that they deserve happiness in their lives. How amazing, and lucky, that they can be that for each other! I really plan on sitting down with Michelle and talking about it, though. I learned TONS about Seth by being with him for almost 9 years before getting married, and it almost scares me the amount of things they don't know about each other because they've only been together for 4 months. I'm not saying that it makes me right and her wrong, but I don't want her to be caught off guard, KWIM? I just want them to be happy and understand that there are going to be hard times, but that it leads to an even better relationship if you persevere and push through it. You have to go through the bad times to get to the good...and there's no getting around that.

Well, as for me....I'm hangin in there. I'm still feeling lonely, and even a little left out at this point. I just feel like, "Ok, what do I do now?" I don't know if I'm just PMSing or what's going on, but it's not very fun.

And enough of the negative attitude. I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, and I plan on trying REALLY hard to get out of my funk so my next post will be more upbeat :)

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Feelings...random feelings...

Here's the thing. I am incredibly blessed in my life. Everyone that I have is incredible. My husband, my kids, my friends and family...I just can't ask for anything more. That's why feeling this way just seems so crazy and stupid. But it's still there...

I just feel so lonely sometimes. Why is that? I can't wrap my mind around it. There are plenty of people that I care about, and vice versa. But's there. I'm guilty of being a hermit and not reaching out, that much I know. It's not that I don't care, I just don't want to bother anyone. And sometimes it feels like that's what it is when you call someone....a bother.

The thing about life that sucks is that people grow apart. You just never know when someone might move or have something drastic happen in their lives. You try to be there, but sometimes the distance is just too much. Our lives are busy with work and families, and priorities shift and change. And I think we just forget sometimes that we are parts of someone else's world too, not just our own. It's so easy to become comfortable with life and forget about the details. But it's the little things that matter; I'm a firm believer in that. So maybe what I'm saying is that we need to make sure we don't forget the little things...because that's what make people feel important.

So there are my 2 cents on that. I know I'm kinda rambly today, but at least I got it out of my system. Hopefully the next post will be better :)