Sunday, October 26, 2008


Well, I'm sad that it's Sunday again. My weekend has flown by and I need it to be at LEAST 3 more days until the new week starts. I've been sick this weekend, but can't afford to take off work tomorrow. So alas, I shall suffer through it :) I'm pretty sure I can manage.

So here are the things that I plan to look forward to in the coming week:

1. Halloween!!! It's one of my favorite holidays actually. Family and friends come over to our house and we make our round with the kids through the neighborhood and get lots of goodies. And yes, mommy and daddy get their share too when the kids are asleep. Don't act like you don't do it too! That is WAY too much candy for them to eat by themselves ;)

2. Brooklyn's parent/teacher conference is on Wed. Let's face it...that should be pretty interesting. She has been doing better behavior wise in the last week and a half, but she's also been grounded. She just got done with that on Friday, so we shall see what happens this week at school.

3. I'm sure there is some reason I should look forward to work. It really depends on what the lesson plan is all about, b/c when it's boring, it tends to make for a really long week. Fingers crossed that it turns out to be super exciting! :)

4. I'm having lunch with some friends on Tuesday! That's always fun and makes my day a little happier.

Yeah, that's all I got. It was really pushing it to find 4 reasons. Oh well, at least I tried. Hope everyone has a great Sunday :)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

It Is There...

I close my eyes
I reach out
Knowing that it is there
Sensing it, feeling it
But never touching it.

My fingers find nothing in the stillness
Yet I still reach out
And I keep my hope
Assuming that all is not lost
But feeling the panic deep down inside.

My soul fights for that hope
It needs it like my lungs need air
I need that little shred of myself
For without it
The nothingness consumes all that I am.

My eyes remain closed
Darkness is safety
Passion is power
Dignity is what keeps me whole
And I will continue to float in oblivion.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A Day Off...

So I decided to take the day off today. I've been super tired lately, and figured it would be a good day since 1. MTSU is on fall break and I could get subs for my classes, 2. Willie is still on fall break, and 3. I didn't have a babysitter anyway :) In a little while we'll be heading over to a friend's house for playgroup, so it really couldn't be a better day.

I finally got my meeting with my boss yesterday. When I walked out of his office, it seriously felt like a HUGE weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I feel positive about my place there now, and plan on making the best of it. So hopefully things will continue to get better there.

Seth has been a bit moody lately, and it's been driving me crazy! I know that I'm his wife and I should want to do things with him and for him, and I honestly do. But I need a break every now and then too. The last couple of times I've had plans with someone, he's acted like a baby and I've backed out. Well, first day off during the week since August....he calls and asks if I will bring him lunch at 11am. Well, playgroup is at 10:30am and it's been forever since I've been able to see my friends. So I said, "Well, I've already got plans but if you can wait until a little later, I will be glad to do it." He then proceeds to try to guilt me, and I'm standing my ground! Maybe that's selfish of me or maybe I should always drop everything to do something for him, but I disagree. We do have a life together, but we also need our own lives so we don't drive each other crazy. So there. He will get over it, and if he doesn't...I will proceed to remind him of all the times that I have dropped everything for him and that I needed a little me time today (along with Willie time:) ). At the very least, it's not worrying me and all will be fine.

I got all the laundry caught up yesterday too, so that makes me happy. When I get home, I'm going to clean the kitchen and bathroom and chill out the rest of the day. Hope everyone has a wonderful Tuesday b/c I know that I will be!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

A Little Update...

So the past few weeks have been really tiring and trying for me. Work has continued to stress me out, so much to the point where I just want to give up. I think I have decided that I'm really good at being some one's assistant, but not so much at being in charge of things. It seems as though things keep falling short of what they should be, and honestly...I just hate feeling like I'm not good at something. Plus, my family is more important to me and I refuse to take time away from them for certain things. Anyway, just think positive thoughts for me on the work front. Hopefully it will all work itself out.

I am also oh so very tired. Physically, emotionally, mentally...I just need some time off. And not just from work, from everything. If I had the money, I think I would just take off for a few days on my own and work some things out. However, I would also just love to take the fam with me and enjoy some time together. I think I need to talk to Seth about that. We are by no means in a financial situation to do so right now, but maybe soon. Seth's work has slowed down again, but mine has picked up so we're breaking even right now. I can't complain about that b/c it's WAY better than being in the hole.

The kids are on fall break, but unfortunately we have not been able to do anything fun with them b/c of work. But they are just happy to be out of school. Brooklyn has been having some behavior problems lately, at school as well as at home. It's so frustrating to me b/c I don't know where it's coming from or what to do about it. I've tried some different tactics, but nothing seems to be making a difference. I feel like a pretty bad mom right now b/c I can't figure it out. But she has parent/teacher conference at the end of this month, so hopefully I can hold out until then. But if it gets worse after fall break, I'll just having a meeting sooner. I had Wil's parent/teacher conference the week before fall break, and it was awesome! He is doing SO well, and the teacher says he is at the top of the class for sure. She's even doing more advanced stuff with him to get him interested. I'm so proud of him.

Besides a few other things going on, that's about it. Hope everyone else is having a great week.