Saturday, January 12, 2008

Evaluations from Within, Part 1

I have really done some soul searching lately. By doing so I have come to a very important conclusion. I do not like the person that I have become. This is not at all how I envisioned myself. It truly makes me sad that I have strayed so far from the path from which I intended to follow in my adult life. I understand that sometimes there are obstacles that get in our path, tangents that lead us astray. But where was it that I lost the way back? What has kept me from returning to the way that made me content with myself?

I wish I could pinpoint it, that thing that tripped me and made me fall to my knees. I wish I could remember why it is that I did not have the strength to get back up. What has made me crawl and be cowardly? What has made me hang my head in shame, to be someone that is afraid and unable to bring herself back to her feet?

These answers still hide in the shadows, taunting me and tossing out careless words here and there. And honestly, I do not know if they will ever become apparent. But in order for me to find that path again, the one where I can look straight ahead and have pride in my eyes, I have to find these answers. I have to face these truths and embrace them, no matter how painful it may prove to be. I have to dig deep and find the determination to be proud of who I am. But more importantly, I need to be proud of who I have become and who I will be in the future.