Saturday, November 29, 2008

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Things That I Am Thankful For....

1. My fabulous family! I never imagined that I would have a family like this when I grew up. I never had understood what unconditional love was until a few years ago. I have an amazing husband who loves me no matter what stupid thing I do, and then can smile about it later. My kids are seriously the coolest people that I know. They are loving and well behaved, at least for the most part. ;) And I won't go any further than that, b/c it would be a really long blog post.

2. My friends. Wow, I have met some amazing people over the last couple of years, and I feel like I have made some lasting friendships with them. And even the ones that I have drifted apart from. Sometimes we can't understand why that happens, but it makes us stronger people for it. But the thing is, I just want you all to know that I appreciate you and the little things that you do. You know who you are, and I couldn't ask for more considerate, kind friends. Thank you :)

3. All the good things in my life. Yes, there are hard times and it's frustrating and I wonder why. But in the end, I know that it just makes me appreciate the good times even more. We have to go through the bad to get to the good, and it is so worth it. It gives us strength and endurance, and makes us continue to grow as people.

So I could continue on and on and on, but I think #3 pretty much sums it up. I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving and enjoys the time with your families! :)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Just A Little Something...

So I found this, loved it, and thought I would share it. And I feel that it holds a lot of truth to it. So enjoy!

"Realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure your still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for."

Just because your heart is "broken", it does not necessarily mean just by "breaking up" with someone. Little pieces of our hearts get broken daily because we are women and we're sensitive. We hold back our emotions a lot, or at least I do, and it takes a toll on us. We deal with disappointments and problems by locking them away, and that, in turn, eventually breaks our hearts, little by little.

Anyway, I think the message is that life is hard and cruel at times, but we still have to keep pushing through and digging deep to find that strength. There is always something positive to make up for the negative. We just have look for it. The pain is there to remind us to keep moving day to day, and the it will lessen and ease. And sometimes we are lucky enough to forget it all together.

Monday, November 10, 2008

From The Heart...

So I've been doing a little soul searching lately, and thinking about who I am as a person. I've thought about how far I've come since I was a teenager, and how much further I want to go. I want my character to continue to grow, and I want my children to know that you can never stop growing as a person. You are always who you are, but you also always have the ability to change and be who you want to be. That's one of the reasons God gave us free will. Our options are limitless, and it is all up to us.

So I thought I would share a little bit about myself as a teen, which is not an easy feat for me. I am a very private person, but as I have said in previous posts, I want to be more open whenever possible. As a teenager, I was very depressed and I isolated myself a lot. It wasn't because I had a bad childhood or anything like that, because I didn't. I was taken care of and had anything that I needed. But my parents were busy people. My mom was always working or going to school, so she never really had time to spare. My dad also worked a lot, but tried to spend time with me whenever possible. But my parents weren't happy people, and I guess that kind of rubbed off on me. My mom spent her evenings in the living room, watching soap operas she recorded while she was at work. And my dad stayed in the bedroom, watching Nick At Night reruns. They never spent time together and we never really did things as a family. So in turn, I stayed in my room listening to music. And that's where I discovered an emotional outlet. I learned that writing was a way for me to get all of those emotions out without actually saying anything. I began keeping diaries and writing poetry along with short stories. I was a mad woman; any chance I got, I poured my heart and soul onto paper and hid them away.

Shortly thereafter, my dad moved out. It did not surprise me; I had seen it coming for years, even before they did. So fast forward a few years - I'm probably 15 or 16 by this point. I had a lot of resentment towards my father by then. I won't go into specifics, but a lot of things had hurt me and I never talked about them to anyone. My mom was engaged to man from England and he was staying in the States for awhile. By this point, I was sharing some of my poetry. My mom had read it, but never really said anything about it. She never really said anything about anything to be honest. But when he read some of it, I can remember him saying to my mom, "You know, Jen has a lot of pain and hurting inside of her." And my mom says, "No, Ivor. It's just fiction. It doesn't mean anything." But man, was she wrong.

All through high school, I had a lot of my writing published. My English teachers always told me to hold on to my passion and my talent. They said to use it and not waste it. But unfortunately, after high school was over, I did lose it. I hit a writing block and I just could not overcome it. Just recently, in the last couple of years, have I been able to even think about it again. I just assumed that maybe all of my hurt and pain was gone, and with it went my gift. But now I realize that it is not true. I associated my writing with my guilt and introverted ways, but it doesn't have to be that way. It is my passion and something that I love. And it's like an old friend, just waiting to be called upon and embraced once again. It's part of who I am and something that can continue to help me grow. It held my hand through all of the bad times, and it can do the same for the good times if I let it.

So yeah...I rambled about a lot of nothing. And I honestly don't think I even said what I came here to say :) But that's ok. Thanks for getting through the randomness of my post ;)

Here's a good quote for you:

"Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are."

Thursday, November 6, 2008

So Many Thoughts...

My head is literally spinning right now. I don't know what it up or down, whether to look left or right, whether I should be thankful or break down. It has been quite a long day.

I got home from work tonight around 6:30pm, and about 10 minutes later my phone rang and it was my stepmom. She was concerned about my dad, so I asked to talk to him. But he refused, which is not like him at all. So I asked her what was going on, and she said he was having symptoms like he did before he had his heart attack a couple of years ago. So I tell Seth and head on over. My dad is in the kitchen, crying and shaking, swearing he's fine and refusing to go anywhere. So I called my mom, who is a nurse, to see what she thought. She asked some questions, but I had to tell her that I just didn't know b/c my dad wouldn't tell me anything. But he was forgetting things that he had said 2 minutes before and couldn't remember how to do simple things, like start the microwave. Yes, he's getting older but that's just not him. He got like that once before, again around the time that he had that heart attack. He literally wouldn't know where he was or what was going on. My mom said that it was probably due to his brain not getting enough oxygen b/c his heart wasn't pumping like it should.

So I called his cardiologist and left a message for him to call me back. When he did, I told him what was going on and he told me to get him to the ER as soon as possible so that he can check him out. And after I told my dad that, he agreed to go. By that time, my sister, Michelle, and her husband, Raymond, were there. I was SO torn. I wanted to go and be with him, but at the same time, I couldn't be stranded in Nashville b/c the kids have to go to school tomorrow and Seth can't get them there in his truck. So I hugged him, told him I loved him, and thank you for letting us help him.

So now here I am. Once again wondering what the outcome may be and should I have gone anyway, just in case? I mean, I honestly looked him in the eye and asked him if he wanted to die. And he could not look at me and tell me no. I love my father SO much, and cannot imagine my life without him. I can't imagine telling my children that their Pa is gone. And I don't want to.

I guess now is just a waiting game. I made my sister promise to call as soon as they got him in and settled. I can't even begin to describe everything that I'm feeling, but I just had to get this out. I can't talk about it out loud b/c I cry and get so emotional. So blogging is the next best thing. There are so many details, so many little things to say or ask or wonder about...

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Just Another Tuesday...

Just a few pics for you. Brooklyn is practicing her baby holding skills and Willie pretending he is playing XBox LIVE like his daddy ;) And the kids spent their Halloween evening playing with cars since there was no trick or treating for us.

FINALLY, the kids are feeling better. Brooklyn went to school yesterday and did great. I kept checking my phone at work to see if they had called, but they never did. I kept Wil home again yesterday b/c his tummy is still bothering him a bit. Today is much better, but we'll see. I just don't want him to have any problems at school. Today they are both home since it's election day, and I'm thankful for it. My mom watched them while I worked this morning, and then we all had lunch. Now I'm just waiting for it to be time to take them to my dad's house and go back to work for 3 more classes.

Brooklyn's parent/teacher conference was last week, and I was a little afraid. But Mrs. Bailey is an AWESOME teacher, and had nothing but good things to say about my princess. She said that ever since that day she had called me, Brooklyn has been acting like herself again. She's really coming a long with her reading and math, and I'm so proud of her.

I feel like I haven't had time to do anything lately. And I know a lot has been going on, but it's only going to get busier with the holidays coming up. Just take it one day at a time, I guess :)

Tomorrow my sister, Michelle, is having her ultrasound and we get to find out if I'll be having a neice or nephew. If it's a girl, her name will be Abigail and a boy will be Aidan. I had a dream when she first found out she was pregnant that it was a girl, so we'll see how right I am. Also, one of my good friends, Jamie, is being induced tomorrow and Jackson Cash Owen will make his first appearance. I won't get to see him until he gets home, though, b/c her doctor is in Columbia. And then my SIL, Angel, will be having my nephew, Grayson Ryan, in December. There are babies everywhere for sure :) It makes me want another one, but at least I'll get to see all of them quite often.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic week so far :)

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Crappy Halloween

Soooo, yeah. Halloween sucked over at my house. I think most of you that read my blog already know what happened, but I'll recap anyway for my own good for later on down the road.

On Thursday, I went to Barnyard Kids in Shelbyville, just as I always do. I go every week and really enjoy it, although I don't care for the drive much. Brooklyn ends up getting sick at school, and they called Seth. So he went to go pick her up and get her some medicine. Then I have to call my dad to see if he can pick Wil up from school b/c my mom had to take my grandmother to the hospital. My dad says no problem and goes to get him. I called him back around 2:30pm to make sure he got him ok, and he says that Willie threw up in the hallway as soon as he came out of his classroom. But Seth has everything under control, so I stay at work.

That night, poor Brooklyn could barely swallow, she was wheezy and had a terrible cough, and a lowgrade fever. Then she says her tummy hurts. By 11pm, she had thrown up twice and I knew I was in for a long night. And bless her little heart, I was right. She continued to throw up all night, and phenergan did nothing for her. However, Willie had an uneventful night (thank goodness), and that was fine by me. I called the doctor first thing Friday morning, and we all headed over there at 9am. After waiting, seeing the Dr, getting a breathing treatment, getting chest x-rays, and Wil having an accident, we find out Brooklyn does not have pneumonia, like the Dr originally thought. She has strep throat instead, and Willie looks like he has the early stages of it. So we get prescriptions for antibiotics

I give it to my kids, they handled it very well. And the grandparents have made up for them not getting to go trick or treating. So Saturday we all have a "Take it easy" day. I was supposed to go to a "wrap" party last night, but something told me I should just stay home since the kids had been sick. And it's a good thing I did b/c Willie was up all night throwing up and the other part that comes with it. It was so sad, but he's feeling better this morning, except he's not eating. Which is pretty ok with me, b/c if I don't have to clean up anymore vomit, my day will be awesome :)
So there was my weekend. Hopefully everyone will be back at school and work tomorrow, and we're done with the sickness for awhile. hope everyone else enjoyed their Halloween!