Wednesday, September 10, 2008

2 Years Ago..

I can still remember the day like it was last week. It was September 10, 2006 and I was throwing a baby shower for my best friend, Tiffany. I got a phone call from my manager at work in the middle of it, and that's when it all happened. My good friend, Courtney, had been in a car accident early that morning. My first question to Leslee was, "Is she ok?" And that's when I learned that she had been killed. The pain and hurt is still there, and probably always will be. However, what they say is true...time does heal wounds, but the scars are there forever. And the emotions grow numb over time, but you still feel those painful twinges every now and then.

Courtney was an amazing person. We worked together, which is how we met. But we just clicked so quickly, and we became fast friends. We would go eat lunch at Marina's on the square, chat on the phone, and hang out whenever we could. I honestly never saw her angry or mad. She had an amazing quality of always smiling and letting the negative things roll off her back. I can still remember how she would laugh things off and say they were not worth worrying about. I wish I were like that, and I try to be. But it just doesn't come easily to me.

I still wonder why someone so young and who still had so much to experience could be taken away so quickly. I know God has a plan and a reason for everything, but it still sucks. She was 2 months away from being 22 years old when it happened. She was in her last year of college and she had big plans for the future. I could go on questioning it forever, but I won't. I just try to accept it and know that she is in a better place.

I still work with Courtney's best friend, Erin. We were not close and did not really know each other when Courtney's accident happened. But she talked to me about Erin and talked to Erin about me. And so in the aftermath, we became friends and we share that bond. Erin is also an amazing person and we have just as much in common. And it's like I told her today, Courtney brought us together and because of her, we have a special kind of friendship. We talk about her a lot and we've visited the cemetery together. And I can't speak for Erin, but it makes it a little easier for me knowing that she knows exactly how I feel.

I went to Moe's a couple of weeks ago with my friend Rachel. That was where Courtney also worked, and I have not been able to set foot in there since her accident. But I felt like it was time and I'm glad that I did. I've learned the details of Courtney's death since it happened, and it gives me some peace. I miss her daily b/c every time I drive to my dad's house, I have to go by the spot where she was killed. And every time I think about her and say a little prayer. I am a stronger, more positive person b/c of Courtney. She taught me some life lessons in the short time that I was privileged to know her. I just hope that someday I can look back and smile instead of feeling such sadness on this day.

4 comments:

The Todd's said...

I'm sorry Jen. I know how difficult anniversaries can be. I actually went to high school w/ Courtney. She was a very sweet person and it's unreal that she's not here anymore. Big hugs today!

The Foley 5 said...

I'm so sorry I missed this blog post yesterday! I'm also so very sorry for your loss. You are right though when you say that time heals some of the pain. It's been almost 12 years since my highschool sweetheart died and I remember someone telling me at his funeral that time would heal the pain and I thought they were totally crazy because I was hurting so bad and could not imagine life with out him. Now, almost 12 years later I sit here and can think about him and although I'm still sad over his death the pain is a much different pain and doesn't "hurt" anymore. If that makes any sense at all! It's kinda hard to describe but I promise, each year will get a little easier. God has a plan for each one of us and although it seems unfair at times we just have to keep trusting and believeing in him. Big hugs to you!!!

Ashley said...

I'm sorry you lost such a close friend. And I think you certainly have the demeanor and soul that Courtney would be proud of:) I'm sure she saw that in you and is why you became fast friends. You should give yourself more credit for how awesome you are:)))

Angie Morris said...

Big hugs and lots of love.......I still have issues with Rod's little brother passing away but I agree God has a plan, it's just so hard not knowing why the plan works the way it does