So it's been a really long day. It's almost midnight, and I'm trying to wind down...just to get up again tomorrow and go at it once more. My baby boy turned 5 years old yesterday, and I just can't believe it. Where has the time gone? Why does it continue to go so quickly? When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up. Now that I'm here and have 2 kids of my own, I want it to slow down so that I can remember every little detail and remember who they were, who they are, and think about who they are going to be.
I haven't been praying much lately. Life has been so hectic, and I just forget to...no, that's not true. I just plain haven't done it. I will say a little one here and there; to give thanks for something or to ask for strength when I'm feeling down. But I haven't REALLY prayed in a long time. Maybe that's what I need. I just need to fall down on my knees and let it all go. Maybe if I completely give in and unburden myself, I can find that happiness again. Don't get me wrong...I AM happy. But I feel like something is missing.
I had a Bible teacher in high school who was amazing. He once said, "Sometimes you have to be broken to be of any use to God." I wrote that down and taped it to my wall to have as a reminder. It's true, SO true. If you hold up the walls and refuse to see what is behind them, you won't allow yourself to be open to anything. Strip them down, kick the stones away, and admit what you truly are inside. Let God pick up the pieces and put them back together in a positive way...and be who you want to be, not who you think you should be.
My youth pastor once preached a sermon where he said, "Just lay down and let God do the work through you." Sometimes you just need to physically lay down to open yourself up spiritually. Close your eyes and let it wash over you. There's freedom in it and also peace. But we get so caught up in our everyday lives that sometimes we just push it away and pretend like it isn't there. But it's always there, hiding and waiting. Waiting for you to let it in and to free yourself.
Strength, patience, openness, freedom, peace...I want all of those things. So maybe if I can find prayer in my life again, they can find me again. Maybe that's all the push that I need to get to where I want to be again.
3 comments:
Big wake up call:) I pray you find those things as well. Love ya!
I have the same feeling lately.......we are trying to get back into church because I know that's where we need to be but it's hard at the same time
((HUGS))
I feel the same way. I know I need to pray more, to REALLY pray. But I just don't. I like how you phrased it~to break the walls down and let God rebuild them the way he wants them. Awesome post!
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