Do you ever have those times when you just feel so disconnected from everyone? I HATE that feeling, and I always have. I'm a people person, yet I'm a loner. It's hard for me to get close to people, and that's just because I tend to be cautious. I will answer any question that someone asks, yet I tend to shy away from offering up things about myself on my own. I'm just private like that.
People sometimes take that and think that I act like I'm better than others. I'm quiet and like to feel out the situation before I get involved. I feel like I'm pretty observant, and can read most people. But my downfall there is that sometimes I ignore what my gut tells me because I like to find the good in people. I assume that everyone has it somewhere inside, even if I can't see it right off. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong.
So anyway...at this point in my life, I feel a little lonely. Not because I don't have friends, because I do. I have some of the greatest friends a person could ask for. It's because I miss hanging out with them. My schedule doesn't leave much room for socializing, which sucks. And today, for some reason, it bothers me. It makes me sad that I can't just be spontaneous and call up a friend to do something random. Maybe I'm just feeling old today. I mean, come on. Get over it, Jen. You're not 18 years old anymore, and there is WAY more to life now than there was then. Maybe I just needed to type that out to remind myself :) Besides, life is amazing now and I couldn't ask for more.
Maybe another reason I feel that way is because I feel like I've been left behind. It's just hard to believe after putting so much into a friendship, that all of a sudden it's just over. Yes, I understand that I should just let it go and move on. And I guess in a way, I'm almost to that point. I just need to get it out a little more in order to do that. I guess I just feel like I did something wrong. Am I a bad friend? Is it because I tend to be so closed off? Maybe it's just that it was the time for it to be over and done. I just hate not having closure. I've always been that way.
So on that note, my randomness ( and negativity ;) ) is over for tonight. I feel better just getting it out of my head. Isn't it funny how therapeutic blogging can be :)
4 comments:
I hardly ever comment on blogs so consider lucky! lol I can totally relate. I love to socialize but only when the mood strikes and it's not fair to expect others to sit around and wait for me. So when I'm wanting to I get to feeling lonely. : ( We don't hang out much but when we have I really enjoyed our chit chats. And I am a firm believer in that friendships have their seasons. Their is an email about it somewhere and I'll try to post it for you. : )
Awe, I'm sorry your feeling like this ... I've been feeling a little "detached" from everyone also lately. For me it's mostly becasue I've been hybernating from being so sick. I really think we need to just set a date and meet up for a girls coffee date, or mini MNO (I say mini cause I can't hang too late these days) LOL! ((HUGS)) hopefully the springtime will get us all out of the house and together a little more often!!
HUGS CHICK! YOu know I am the SAME way. I get caught up in my own little world...total loner at times as well, but don't really mean to be just kinda happens. It's hard moving on from friendships but it happens and bigger and better comes along...:) :)
Hello are you talking about ME or YOU!!! OMG you sound just like me!
I have "tons" of people I call friends but not really "friends" it's so hard because I love being around people but it takes everything inside me to work myself up into actually getting out there!
You are such a great girl and I'm so glad I can call you a friend and def agree we need to get together more often with all our friends!
Love my Jen!
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