Is it possible to really do both? 2 different concepts that are expected to go hand in hand. I truly believe that both are possible, I'm just not sure that it is possible at the same time.
In every situation in my life (and I mean major, not minor) that I have had to forgive someone of something, it definitely does not mean that I forget it. Sometimes it is easier to push it aside and forget about it, but other times...not so much. Sometimes the consequences of some one's actions are brutal, hurtful, and deep. That means that every time you think of that person, those actions and the pain that they caused, pops into your mind and plays right in front of your eyes. It can be so overwhelming that you can't even look at that person...well, at least for me. I'm just saying that it is a lot to ask of someone.
It's true that the pain can dull and subside. We only know that it's what we hope for, so that the healing process can begin. Sometimes it is a long road back to where things can be good again. It will never be the same, unfortunately, but it can be something new, and if you are REALLY lucky...something better.
I am not the type of person who holds grudges. Actually, I can't stand the thought of someone being mad at me. And I am willing to fight for my friends and the people that I care about. But it takes 2 people to be friends, and if you are the only one fighting for the friendship..what's the point? Why should you put everything you have into something when the other person isn't willing to do the same? It means that there is no friendship there anymore because something was lost along the way. Trust? Honesty? Maybe something else? Who really knows...it doesn't really matter what was lost. The point is that it WAS lost. Period.
As a good friend said to me, "Actions speak louder than words". That is so true. The road back is long, hard, and frustrating. The walls are back up, and rightfully so. Part of the consequences to the actions, if you will.
So is it possible to forgive and to forget at the same time?
4 comments:
I don't know...I find myself saying "I can forgive, but I don't forget" when I get mad about things but then I still feel so angry, so hurt that I don't guess I have forgiven either. I kinda think they go hand in hand...maybe? Maybe my motto is I forget but don't forgive but then I guess you aren't fogetting either huh? LOL...who knows. It sucks though either way.
(((HUGS)))
For me, forgivness is one thing. If you truely want to forgive than forgivness can always be obtained may it be easy or hard to do. Forgetting is a different story. It's just not possible to forget something that has happened. Once something happens, it happens ... there is no going back in time. Now that doesn't mean that you can't take the unfortunate thing that may have happened and learn from it and be a stronger/better person from it ;)
Not for me, but it's taken 29 years to build this wall and I apply mortar pretty often...hahaha.
Well it has taken me a long time to learn to forgive and forget. Heck my dad was not part of my life for the first 16 years and now is only when he wants to.....do I hate him for that.....no I just feel sorry for him for not wanting to be part of my life.
So I have learned to forgive but you never forget.....Big hugs Jen
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