So Hectic!

That's my life lately for sure. I feel so overwhelmed right now. I can't even get my thoughts straight or take a deep breath. But here I am; I'm trying to sort it all out right here so that maybe I'll feel a little bit better.

So my dad was in the hospital for this past week at Vanderbilt. After doing TONS of tests and me doing TONS of research on the internet, there was no surgery to be done. I was not agreeing with this at all at first. The doctors said "the damaged valves are not weak enough for surgery right now". My response was "Who cares? If they're weak, shouldn't we go ahead and fix them now before something bad happens?" Well, actually...that must be why they went to medical school and I did not. They do not like to do more than 3 heart surgeries on any patient if it can be helped. Now, I know there are exceptions to everything. For example, my friend Debbie's daughter Reagan. But her situation is a completely different thing. ANYWAY. So they are trying some medicine therapy and we're hoping that helps them get stronger without having to go in again. Whatever. I'm just tired of it all. I'm going to admit defeat gracefully here, and pray to God that these doctors are right. What else can I do? If my dad accepts it, then I suppose that I have to as well.

I just feel beat down lately. Mentally, physically...all the way around. I've had a few other things going on lately as well, and people keep telling me to go to the doctor. Well, first of all, that costs money and there are bills to be paid. I think that's a little more important. Secondly, I think I'm just a paranoid person and nothing is wrong anyway. My life is hectic period. That's it. And I'm getting old, right? ;)

My great aunt also passed away this week. She was 94 years old and truly an inspiration. I haven't seen her in quite awhile, but I have awesome memories with her as a kid. She was the sweetest lady and led an amazing life. It makes me sad that my kids never got to know her, but that is no one's fault but my own. We get so caught up in our day to day routines that sometimes we forget to step outside of the box. And that's exactly what happened with me. I forgot to extend the routine. But it reminds to me to make sure that my kids plenty of time with my grandparents, who are getting older. I want my kids to have memories of them so that one day we can share those memories and smile at them.

We are also coming up on the anniversary of my friend Courtney's death. One year ago, on September 10th, she was killed in a car accident. She was only 21 years old. It's so crazy for me to think that it was a year ago. It doesn't seem like it should be, but at the same time it feels like forever since I've seen her. It still makes me sad when I think about her, and I wonder if that ever goes away. Is there peace anywhere out there? Thinking about it always makes me wonder why it was her time. Why didn't she get a few more years to discover what love felt like or what it would be like to be a mother? Why didn't she get a chance to reach her dreams or REALLY experience life? I know I could go on all day with the "whys" of this situation, but I can't help it. I find it to be so unfair, even though I know that God has a greater plan. I just think the world would have been a better place with Courtney in it. She was still learning and still teaching. She wasn't done yet.


So wow. This blog was ALL over the place, but that's how my mind has been lately. I guess I should learn to stick to one topic per blog, but that wouldn't be very much fun, now would it?