Things I've come to realize lately:
1. Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try, it is truly never enough. And that's ok. You've just got to find some peace in that and move on. Some things are not worth the worry or stress.
2. Things are not easy. If they were, life would be boring and you would have nothing to do.
3. True friends are very hard to come by. Sometimes you think you have found them, and then something happens to show you something very different. Again, it's ok. It may take years for a friendship to fizzle out, but if they are truly your friend, they/you won't let that happen. And if you put forth the effort and it still does, well...there's your answer anyway. It works both ways.
4. Hold onto your friends. You need them and they need you. Let the ones go that have proven themselves unworthy and hold on tight to the ones that need you as much as you need them.
5. Chocolate can solve most problems. It's true, I've experienced it over and over.
6. Coffee has the same effect, especially in my world :)
7. Music can reach out and speak to you in ways that people cannot.
8. Take pride in your work and always do your best. At least in the end if you mess up, at least you know in your heart that you did the best that you possibly could.
9. Kids have the ability to make you feel like the best person in the world. They don't sugarcoat things and are always honest. If only adults could do the same...
10. Love yourself. You are one of the most important people in your life.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
A New Perspective...
So the last week or so has been very frustrating for me. It has been incredibly hectic and stressful as well as exciting and emotional. I had a lot going on at work, and in the midst of it all, I became an aunt to a beautiful little girl. Michelle gave birth to Abigail Reese Davy on March 18, 2009. After almost 12 hours of labor, she was born at 7:44pm and was 8lbs 2oz and 21 inches long. They are all doing amazing, and Abigail is proving to be laid back and loving her sleep. I love that I can share motherhood with Michelle now, and she can finally feel that unconditional love that steals our hearts when we have children. I'm so proud of her :)
I felt like 20 billion things had been dumped in my lap at work this past week as well, and I just couldn't seem to find that light at the end of the tunnel. Honestly, it all looked and seemed worse in my head, and PMS wasn't helping that any. But also, I felt a little taken advantage of and upset. I LOVE my job and what I do, but I sometimes feel like things get dumped on me that no one else wants to do. And sometimes, it's ok and I don't mind. But seriously...6 projects to take care of in 4 days is way too much. I didn't see how I could possibly get it all done, and it all be great and the way it was supposed to be. And until today, it was still frustrating me.
But then I heard something, and it made SO much sense to me. "It is not about the accomplishment, but the beauty in the effort." Wow. That's all I can say. Thanks to someone for applying that to my life right now. So who cares if I get it all done? As long as I put my best foot forward and try my best, no one can really ask for any more than that, right? Maybe all this stuff lands on me because my bosses know that I'll do the best that I can. Maybe they think that I will get it done, and it will be exactly what they want (which really isn't true b/c they are the pickiest people that I know, lol). Maybe when they give me things, they don't have to worry about it not getting done. I don't know honestly. But that's what I would like to believe. And if thinking that makes it easier for me to do, then what harm is there?
Anyway. The point of this is sometimes things don't end up the way that we want them to, even after we try our damnedest to do them. The beauty of the effort is seeing how much we care about it and the passion that we put into it. It's about believing you can do it, and it will be your best effort. It's about making something your own with your heart and soul, and giving it everything that you have inside. Because in the end, that is the greatest accomplishment of all.
I felt like 20 billion things had been dumped in my lap at work this past week as well, and I just couldn't seem to find that light at the end of the tunnel. Honestly, it all looked and seemed worse in my head, and PMS wasn't helping that any. But also, I felt a little taken advantage of and upset. I LOVE my job and what I do, but I sometimes feel like things get dumped on me that no one else wants to do. And sometimes, it's ok and I don't mind. But seriously...6 projects to take care of in 4 days is way too much. I didn't see how I could possibly get it all done, and it all be great and the way it was supposed to be. And until today, it was still frustrating me.
But then I heard something, and it made SO much sense to me. "It is not about the accomplishment, but the beauty in the effort." Wow. That's all I can say. Thanks to someone for applying that to my life right now. So who cares if I get it all done? As long as I put my best foot forward and try my best, no one can really ask for any more than that, right? Maybe all this stuff lands on me because my bosses know that I'll do the best that I can. Maybe they think that I will get it done, and it will be exactly what they want (which really isn't true b/c they are the pickiest people that I know, lol). Maybe when they give me things, they don't have to worry about it not getting done. I don't know honestly. But that's what I would like to believe. And if thinking that makes it easier for me to do, then what harm is there?
Anyway. The point of this is sometimes things don't end up the way that we want them to, even after we try our damnedest to do them. The beauty of the effort is seeing how much we care about it and the passion that we put into it. It's about believing you can do it, and it will be your best effort. It's about making something your own with your heart and soul, and giving it everything that you have inside. Because in the end, that is the greatest accomplishment of all.
Monday, March 16, 2009
What To Say...
I don't even know where to begin. So let me start by saying that we've been back in our own house for the past week. It's been great being home and having our space again, but it was also awesome staying with my parents. I feel totally reconnected with my dad again, and it's just plain nice. I FINALLY have everything unpacked, but I'm still working through getting all the built up laundry completed, but it's coming along. Wil has a new big boy bed and we finally retired the fire engine one. He's done great in it, and has only fallen out once so far ;)
Michelle should be having her baby any time now! She's been having some strong contractions, but she's just not dilating yet. Bless her heart, she's so miserable and ready. But she'll forget all about it once she lays her eyes on her beautiful newborn. I get a little teary just thinking about it.
Work has been crazy busy and again, I'm a little frustrated. But this too shall pass. I just have to remember that people, for some reason, forget that we have lives outside of the gym and we can't be there 24/7. A little understanding is all that I need but *sigh* they just don't get it. I'm ready for the summer.
I had parent/teacher conferences for both kids recently. Wil is doing amazing and his teacher says he's ready to start learning the sounds of the letters and putting them together to begin reading. WHAT?! So we've been working on that and he almost knows all the sounds of the alphabet. So this summer we'll be working hardcore to get him ahead of the game. Brooklyn is also doing awesome! Her test scores have come such a long way from the beginning of the school year. She's reading on a 2nd grade level and keeps improving by leaps and bounds. Her teacher is super impressed, so we'll keep working on that at home as well. She's doing great in math all on her own. So needless to say, I'm SO proud of both of my kids!!
Seth was FINALLY able to land a job!! I'm so excited and proud of him. It's not the best job in the world, but it pays well and he's just glad to be working again.
And I'm hanging in there. I'm a little emotional right now, but things always work out. So I'm putting my faith in that and keeping my chin up. Hope everyone is doing awesome out there and I'm glad to be back :)
Michelle should be having her baby any time now! She's been having some strong contractions, but she's just not dilating yet. Bless her heart, she's so miserable and ready. But she'll forget all about it once she lays her eyes on her beautiful newborn. I get a little teary just thinking about it.
Work has been crazy busy and again, I'm a little frustrated. But this too shall pass. I just have to remember that people, for some reason, forget that we have lives outside of the gym and we can't be there 24/7. A little understanding is all that I need but *sigh* they just don't get it. I'm ready for the summer.
I had parent/teacher conferences for both kids recently. Wil is doing amazing and his teacher says he's ready to start learning the sounds of the letters and putting them together to begin reading. WHAT?! So we've been working on that and he almost knows all the sounds of the alphabet. So this summer we'll be working hardcore to get him ahead of the game. Brooklyn is also doing awesome! Her test scores have come such a long way from the beginning of the school year. She's reading on a 2nd grade level and keeps improving by leaps and bounds. Her teacher is super impressed, so we'll keep working on that at home as well. She's doing great in math all on her own. So needless to say, I'm SO proud of both of my kids!!
Seth was FINALLY able to land a job!! I'm so excited and proud of him. It's not the best job in the world, but it pays well and he's just glad to be working again.
And I'm hanging in there. I'm a little emotional right now, but things always work out. So I'm putting my faith in that and keeping my chin up. Hope everyone is doing awesome out there and I'm glad to be back :)
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Wow, What Has Been Going On...?
It seems like FOREVER since I've been able to get on here! And it's oh so sad that this is my first post for 2009 and it's almost the end of February. But my life has been pretty crazy the last couple of months, and on top of that my poor laptop bit the dust. The motherboard kicked the bucket, so I've been dealing with using other people's computers when I get the chance. Sooo, having explained that much, here's what's been going on...
Seth still has not been able to find a steady job which really sucks. But we're hanging in there, and he's doing what he can and little jobs keep popping up, so we're thankful for those while the hunt continues. And we decided months ago that our tax refund was going towards remodeling our house. We decided to stay with that plan, even though he's not working, because what better time for him to do that work than when a job isn't there to interfere. So for the past 2 weeks, we've been living at my dad and step mom's condo with them while he works on it. And if you've never seen the inside of my house, there's a reason why that is ;) It was my grandmother's house before it became ours, and it was really outdated. So as soon as it is finished, I will be tossing out invitations to come over! :) It's really coming together, and there's not much more to finish, but we're still looking at probably another week here because he got a painting job that will take up about 3 days, and we need that money. But it's been great getting to spend time with my parents, and the kids have loved it as well.
Work has been keeping me very busy as well. I just got done planning my 2nd meet this past weekend, and it was awesome! Brooklyn competed and did amazing as well, so we're super proud of her. I've got quite a few more events coming up in the next few months, so pray for my sanity :) I've also got my yearly review coming up on Monday, so my fingers are crossed on that as well. It's hard to believe that in March I will have been there for 3 years already!
On a sad note, almost 2 weeks ago my grandmother passed away. It was a blessing because she was in pain and her poor little body just couldn't take it anymore. But I was in the room, with lots of other family, when she passed, and it was incredibly emotional and heart wrenching. It was even harder to tell the kids the next day because I had gone up to the hospital that night to give her cards that they had made for her. It broke Brooklyn's heart, and she cried and cried. Wil is still a little young to totally grasp the concept yet, though, so it didn't really bother him. But it helped being here with my parents when it happened. And today Brooklyn and I made some chocolate chip cookies for Papa and took them over so we could visit for awhile. Bless his heart, he's been going to the cemetery everyday, but he's hanging in there.
I think the worst part about not having a computer is that I feel so disconnected from everyone. I guess it's sad when we depend on technology to keep in touch with one another, but that's just the way the world is these days. I try to text or call people, but everyone has their own lives too, and it's just hard. It's much easier to just leave a comment on myspace or facebook, and let people get back to you when it's convenient for them. But not having a computer puts a damper on that. So to all of you, I miss ya and hope things are going well for you. You're in my thoughts and I love you :) And if you want to do lunch or get some coffee, send me a text! And if you're ever totally bored, call me...if I don't answer, it's probably because I'm at work, but I'll call back :) So there's my desperate plea for communication...I'll leave ya on that note ;)
Seth still has not been able to find a steady job which really sucks. But we're hanging in there, and he's doing what he can and little jobs keep popping up, so we're thankful for those while the hunt continues. And we decided months ago that our tax refund was going towards remodeling our house. We decided to stay with that plan, even though he's not working, because what better time for him to do that work than when a job isn't there to interfere. So for the past 2 weeks, we've been living at my dad and step mom's condo with them while he works on it. And if you've never seen the inside of my house, there's a reason why that is ;) It was my grandmother's house before it became ours, and it was really outdated. So as soon as it is finished, I will be tossing out invitations to come over! :) It's really coming together, and there's not much more to finish, but we're still looking at probably another week here because he got a painting job that will take up about 3 days, and we need that money. But it's been great getting to spend time with my parents, and the kids have loved it as well.
Work has been keeping me very busy as well. I just got done planning my 2nd meet this past weekend, and it was awesome! Brooklyn competed and did amazing as well, so we're super proud of her. I've got quite a few more events coming up in the next few months, so pray for my sanity :) I've also got my yearly review coming up on Monday, so my fingers are crossed on that as well. It's hard to believe that in March I will have been there for 3 years already!
On a sad note, almost 2 weeks ago my grandmother passed away. It was a blessing because she was in pain and her poor little body just couldn't take it anymore. But I was in the room, with lots of other family, when she passed, and it was incredibly emotional and heart wrenching. It was even harder to tell the kids the next day because I had gone up to the hospital that night to give her cards that they had made for her. It broke Brooklyn's heart, and she cried and cried. Wil is still a little young to totally grasp the concept yet, though, so it didn't really bother him. But it helped being here with my parents when it happened. And today Brooklyn and I made some chocolate chip cookies for Papa and took them over so we could visit for awhile. Bless his heart, he's been going to the cemetery everyday, but he's hanging in there.
I think the worst part about not having a computer is that I feel so disconnected from everyone. I guess it's sad when we depend on technology to keep in touch with one another, but that's just the way the world is these days. I try to text or call people, but everyone has their own lives too, and it's just hard. It's much easier to just leave a comment on myspace or facebook, and let people get back to you when it's convenient for them. But not having a computer puts a damper on that. So to all of you, I miss ya and hope things are going well for you. You're in my thoughts and I love you :) And if you want to do lunch or get some coffee, send me a text! And if you're ever totally bored, call me...if I don't answer, it's probably because I'm at work, but I'll call back :) So there's my desperate plea for communication...I'll leave ya on that note ;)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
A Toast To 2008...
I just thought that I would write a quick post about the year. There have been many ups and many downs, many trying times and many memorable moments. So let's run through some highlights...
My little boy turned 4 years old! Where has time gone?! And Brooklyn turned 6...which means in 2009, I will have a 7 year old and a 5 year old. Aren't I a little young for that? ;) I love looking back and seeing how far they have come from the year before. Wil started preschool this year, and is doing amazing! Brooklyn had a rough time to start with in 1st grade, but has come so far and is doing so well now. My babies are officially no longer babies.
I got married!! After being with Seth for almost 9 years, we finally exchanged wedding vows and made it official. It honestly was a perfect day and nothing went wrong. I got to share it with my closest friends, and they made it even more memorable for sure. It's a day that I will never forget and hold close to my heart for years to come.
I have learned more about myself in so many ways. I've learned a lot of my weaknesses and why I have them, and I've learned how to grow from them instead of letting them hang over my head. I've learned that I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for sometimes. I've had a couple of friends who have stuck with me and taught me to keep looking forward instead of looking backwards. They are always there for me, no matter how dumb or small my problem may be. They help me keep things in perspective, and to let go of the things that I have no control over. You know who you are, and I appreciate and love you. I'm so glad that in this past year we have grown closer and have come to depend on each other. Thank you :)
In retrospect, 2008 has been a tough year. I am not going to dwell on the bad things that have happened, and just continue to look forward to the good. I'm excited to see what 2009 holds for myself, my family, and my friends. So bring it on 2009! I'm ready!!
My little boy turned 4 years old! Where has time gone?! And Brooklyn turned 6...which means in 2009, I will have a 7 year old and a 5 year old. Aren't I a little young for that? ;) I love looking back and seeing how far they have come from the year before. Wil started preschool this year, and is doing amazing! Brooklyn had a rough time to start with in 1st grade, but has come so far and is doing so well now. My babies are officially no longer babies.
I got married!! After being with Seth for almost 9 years, we finally exchanged wedding vows and made it official. It honestly was a perfect day and nothing went wrong. I got to share it with my closest friends, and they made it even more memorable for sure. It's a day that I will never forget and hold close to my heart for years to come.
I have learned more about myself in so many ways. I've learned a lot of my weaknesses and why I have them, and I've learned how to grow from them instead of letting them hang over my head. I've learned that I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for sometimes. I've had a couple of friends who have stuck with me and taught me to keep looking forward instead of looking backwards. They are always there for me, no matter how dumb or small my problem may be. They help me keep things in perspective, and to let go of the things that I have no control over. You know who you are, and I appreciate and love you. I'm so glad that in this past year we have grown closer and have come to depend on each other. Thank you :)
In retrospect, 2008 has been a tough year. I am not going to dwell on the bad things that have happened, and just continue to look forward to the good. I'm excited to see what 2009 holds for myself, my family, and my friends. So bring it on 2009! I'm ready!!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
The Story of Brooklyn Faith Allen
My daughter never ceases to amaze me, so she has inspired a blog post. Wil's shall follow soon as well. I've already told you the reasons why I love her so much, so here is her story and how she came to be.
I remember the day that I found out I was pregnant with her. I was working at a gas station at the time with Seth's sister, and also one of my best friends, Angel. I hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days, and she told me I might want to take a test. I wasn't even late yet, but I thought..why not? And it was positive! I was in shock, but in a good way. I knew where I was at in my life was not a good place, and it just kept going downhill. I was not on a good path, and before I found out about Brooklyn, I had no intention to go heading back the right way. But this was my chance to make things right, and to turn myself around back to where I wanted to be. Seth took it a little harder than I did, but got excited quickly.
When we were talking about names, we narrowed it down fairly quickly. Seth chose Brooklyn, and I agreed. I wanted her to have a name that wasn't as common as Jennifer, and something a little different. Faith is a powerful word, and was proven to me when God gave Brooklyn to me, so it only made sense for that to be her middle name. And she has definitely lived up to every part of it.
My water broke at 5:15am on June 14, 2002. Seth took me to the hospital, and then the waiting began. Here is one of Seth's favorite stories to tell of that day: All I could have was ice chips and popsicles, and I was loving them. I asked Seth to go get me one, and he asked what flavor. I said I didn't care, whatever they had. Now if you REALLY know me, you know that I HATE banana anything. And Seth totally knew that, but for some reason brought me back a banana flavored popsicle. I thought about throwing it at his head, but he quickly realized his mistake and went back for grape instead ;) Of course he totally embellishes my reaction and you would have thought I had some sort of satanic being inside of me that day in his version.
After 14 1/2 hours of labor and 15 minutes of pushing, Brooklyn Faith was brought into the world at 7:39pm. She was 6lbs 8oz and 20 inches long. She has been the light of my life ever since. We were always together, 24/7. And as she got older, Seth always wondered why I could never leave a room without her crying. To me, it made my life....just knowing that someone else loves you that much and feels like that they need to always be with you...it can be annoying, yes. But also the greatest feeling in the world.
Brooklyn was such a serious baby. You REALLY had to work for those smiles and giggles. But as she became a toddler, her silliness came out and she was always so much fun to be around. She was also a great, easy going person from day 1. She rarely cried, even when she didn't feel good. I just knew when she was going to be hungry b/c she was so easy to keep on a schedule. And to this day, for the most part, she's still really easy going. She can be a bit high strung as well, but what 6 year old isn't?
I just really admire Brooklyn's carefree spirit. She just wants to have fun wherever she is, and she wants everyone else to have fun with her. Yesterday, Seth's mom and her husband came over and we all played bowling on the Wii. This little girl does gymnastics while she bowls, and usually gets a strike or spare out of it. It's just so funny and entertaining to watch, and she knows it. I'll have to take a video for everyone to see. But anyway..my point is that she is still so innocent and trusting and caring. I just wish that she could take that with her forever.
So there's the short version of Brooklyn. She's an amazing kid with so much going for her, and I can't wait to see where she goes in life.
I remember the day that I found out I was pregnant with her. I was working at a gas station at the time with Seth's sister, and also one of my best friends, Angel. I hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days, and she told me I might want to take a test. I wasn't even late yet, but I thought..why not? And it was positive! I was in shock, but in a good way. I knew where I was at in my life was not a good place, and it just kept going downhill. I was not on a good path, and before I found out about Brooklyn, I had no intention to go heading back the right way. But this was my chance to make things right, and to turn myself around back to where I wanted to be. Seth took it a little harder than I did, but got excited quickly.
When we were talking about names, we narrowed it down fairly quickly. Seth chose Brooklyn, and I agreed. I wanted her to have a name that wasn't as common as Jennifer, and something a little different. Faith is a powerful word, and was proven to me when God gave Brooklyn to me, so it only made sense for that to be her middle name. And she has definitely lived up to every part of it.
My water broke at 5:15am on June 14, 2002. Seth took me to the hospital, and then the waiting began. Here is one of Seth's favorite stories to tell of that day: All I could have was ice chips and popsicles, and I was loving them. I asked Seth to go get me one, and he asked what flavor. I said I didn't care, whatever they had. Now if you REALLY know me, you know that I HATE banana anything. And Seth totally knew that, but for some reason brought me back a banana flavored popsicle. I thought about throwing it at his head, but he quickly realized his mistake and went back for grape instead ;) Of course he totally embellishes my reaction and you would have thought I had some sort of satanic being inside of me that day in his version.
After 14 1/2 hours of labor and 15 minutes of pushing, Brooklyn Faith was brought into the world at 7:39pm. She was 6lbs 8oz and 20 inches long. She has been the light of my life ever since. We were always together, 24/7. And as she got older, Seth always wondered why I could never leave a room without her crying. To me, it made my life....just knowing that someone else loves you that much and feels like that they need to always be with you...it can be annoying, yes. But also the greatest feeling in the world.
Brooklyn was such a serious baby. You REALLY had to work for those smiles and giggles. But as she became a toddler, her silliness came out and she was always so much fun to be around. She was also a great, easy going person from day 1. She rarely cried, even when she didn't feel good. I just knew when she was going to be hungry b/c she was so easy to keep on a schedule. And to this day, for the most part, she's still really easy going. She can be a bit high strung as well, but what 6 year old isn't?
I just really admire Brooklyn's carefree spirit. She just wants to have fun wherever she is, and she wants everyone else to have fun with her. Yesterday, Seth's mom and her husband came over and we all played bowling on the Wii. This little girl does gymnastics while she bowls, and usually gets a strike or spare out of it. It's just so funny and entertaining to watch, and she knows it. I'll have to take a video for everyone to see. But anyway..my point is that she is still so innocent and trusting and caring. I just wish that she could take that with her forever.
So there's the short version of Brooklyn. She's an amazing kid with so much going for her, and I can't wait to see where she goes in life.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Trying So Hard....
So I'm standing at the opening of my "hole", and I'm fighting crawling into it. After the last few days, that's where I want to go and shut the door. However, it's Christmas time and I can't do that. Actually, I could do it...but I WON'T do it. It's not fair to me or anyone else. I'm not going to dwell on the bad, but look to the good. But in order to do that, a great friend gave me some advice - "Empty your burden of thoughts." So that's what I am here to do.
As I mentioned in my previous post, Seth has been having a rough time. He did not get that job due to the "Economy", and has been beating himself up ever since. I told him that it's ok, don't worry...everything will work out, just like it always does. But he blames himself and doesn't feel like a "man" b/c he doesn't feel like he is providing for us. I am trying SO hard to be the positive one, and I can do it in front of him without problem. But when I get alone, and all I have time to do is think, it gets to me. I want to be strong for him, but sometimes I just can't do it. And I was really looking forward to these 2 weeks off, but now I wish it weren't here so that I could work and makes things not so stressful. However, being management means that I get a week paid, and then I can always go in and do other things. So we'll be fine; I honestly believe that.
On another note, I feel incredibly sad and guilty and grateful. I know, a strange mix of emotions for sure. But a friend of mine lost a child yesterday, and it is SO surreal and sad. This was an incredible little girl; a true fighter. She was born with a heart defect, and has been fighting for her life ever since. She had multiple surgeries and overcame many obstacles. But in the end, I guess her little body was just tired. She was only 2 years old. But her mom is an amazingly strong person. Throughout all of it, she always said how blessed she was to have Reagan and to learn from her. She was always so thankful for God giving her that little girl, even when she almost lost her on several occasions. So it is so bittersweet that she brought her into this world, and was holding her when God took her back. So please keep Debbie Kring and her family in your prayers; they need it right now.
Sometimes...do you ever just feel like a failure? Like there is more you could do and you just don't? I can't really explain my emotions right now, but sometimes they just hit so hard that I feel like the wind is knocked out of me and I'm down on my knees. Here is something that I had written back in my writing days, and it captures somewhat how I feel:
A fire still burns
As I mentioned in my previous post, Seth has been having a rough time. He did not get that job due to the "Economy", and has been beating himself up ever since. I told him that it's ok, don't worry...everything will work out, just like it always does. But he blames himself and doesn't feel like a "man" b/c he doesn't feel like he is providing for us. I am trying SO hard to be the positive one, and I can do it in front of him without problem. But when I get alone, and all I have time to do is think, it gets to me. I want to be strong for him, but sometimes I just can't do it. And I was really looking forward to these 2 weeks off, but now I wish it weren't here so that I could work and makes things not so stressful. However, being management means that I get a week paid, and then I can always go in and do other things. So we'll be fine; I honestly believe that.
On another note, I feel incredibly sad and guilty and grateful. I know, a strange mix of emotions for sure. But a friend of mine lost a child yesterday, and it is SO surreal and sad. This was an incredible little girl; a true fighter. She was born with a heart defect, and has been fighting for her life ever since. She had multiple surgeries and overcame many obstacles. But in the end, I guess her little body was just tired. She was only 2 years old. But her mom is an amazingly strong person. Throughout all of it, she always said how blessed she was to have Reagan and to learn from her. She was always so thankful for God giving her that little girl, even when she almost lost her on several occasions. So it is so bittersweet that she brought her into this world, and was holding her when God took her back. So please keep Debbie Kring and her family in your prayers; they need it right now.
Sometimes...do you ever just feel like a failure? Like there is more you could do and you just don't? I can't really explain my emotions right now, but sometimes they just hit so hard that I feel like the wind is knocked out of me and I'm down on my knees. Here is something that I had written back in my writing days, and it captures somewhat how I feel:
A fire still burns
It licks at my heels
It singes the edges
Keeping me moving at a rapid pace
Never letting air come between us.
If I slow
If I slow
It engulfs me
To the very core of myself
And it takes hold
Squeezing until the rawness burns with numbness.
When I fall to my knees
When I fall to my knees
I am completely defeated
I press my cheek to the cold earth
Trying to embrace all that I have lost
What I can never get back.
The flames slide over my body
The flames slide over my body
Forcing me to scream in absolute anguish
To release any emotion inside of myself
To haltingly rise to my feet
And begin the endless cycle of life all over again.
This was basically my way of reminding myself that no matter how hard things are, there will always be harder things down the road. Life can be difficult, but don't close yourself off and don't hide your emotions. Let them out or they will burn you up inside. Dig down deep inside of yourself and find that strength to keep going. I guess I just needed that reminder.
Thanks, Ash. I just unburdened my thoughts.
This was basically my way of reminding myself that no matter how hard things are, there will always be harder things down the road. Life can be difficult, but don't close yourself off and don't hide your emotions. Let them out or they will burn you up inside. Dig down deep inside of yourself and find that strength to keep going. I guess I just needed that reminder.
Thanks, Ash. I just unburdened my thoughts.
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