So this past Wednesday was a HUGE day! My sister, Michelle, was engaged to a very good friend of mine, Raymond (affectionately known as Ray Ray). They were planning to get married in February, but something happened and they did this past week. I'm so happy for them because they are seriously 2 of my favorite people and I totally believe that they deserve happiness in their lives. How amazing, and lucky, that they can be that for each other! I really plan on sitting down with Michelle and talking about it, though. I learned TONS about Seth by being with him for almost 9 years before getting married, and it almost scares me the amount of things they don't know about each other because they've only been together for 4 months. I'm not saying that it makes me right and her wrong, but I don't want her to be caught off guard, KWIM? I just want them to be happy and understand that there are going to be hard times, but that it leads to an even better relationship if you persevere and push through it. You have to go through the bad times to get to the good...and there's no getting around that.
Well, as for me....I'm hangin in there. I'm still feeling lonely, and even a little left out at this point. I just feel like, "Ok, what do I do now?" I don't know if I'm just PMSing or what's going on, but it's not very fun.
And enough of the negative attitude. I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, and I plan on trying REALLY hard to get out of my funk so my next post will be more upbeat :)
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Feelings...random feelings...
Here's the thing. I am incredibly blessed in my life. Everyone that I have is incredible. My husband, my kids, my friends and family...I just can't ask for anything more. That's why feeling this way just seems so crazy and stupid. But it's still there...
I just feel so lonely sometimes. Why is that? I can't wrap my mind around it. There are plenty of people that I care about, and vice versa. But still...it's there. I'm guilty of being a hermit and not reaching out, that much I know. It's not that I don't care, I just don't want to bother anyone. And sometimes it feels like that's what it is when you call someone....a bother.
The thing about life that sucks is that people grow apart. You just never know when someone might move or have something drastic happen in their lives. You try to be there, but sometimes the distance is just too much. Our lives are busy with work and families, and priorities shift and change. And I think we just forget sometimes that we are parts of someone else's world too, not just our own. It's so easy to become comfortable with life and forget about the details. But it's the little things that matter; I'm a firm believer in that. So maybe what I'm saying is that we need to make sure we don't forget the little things...because that's what make people feel important.
So there are my 2 cents on that. I know I'm kinda rambly today, but at least I got it out of my system. Hopefully the next post will be better :)
I just feel so lonely sometimes. Why is that? I can't wrap my mind around it. There are plenty of people that I care about, and vice versa. But still...it's there. I'm guilty of being a hermit and not reaching out, that much I know. It's not that I don't care, I just don't want to bother anyone. And sometimes it feels like that's what it is when you call someone....a bother.
The thing about life that sucks is that people grow apart. You just never know when someone might move or have something drastic happen in their lives. You try to be there, but sometimes the distance is just too much. Our lives are busy with work and families, and priorities shift and change. And I think we just forget sometimes that we are parts of someone else's world too, not just our own. It's so easy to become comfortable with life and forget about the details. But it's the little things that matter; I'm a firm believer in that. So maybe what I'm saying is that we need to make sure we don't forget the little things...because that's what make people feel important.
So there are my 2 cents on that. I know I'm kinda rambly today, but at least I got it out of my system. Hopefully the next post will be better :)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Thoughts...
So all my wedding pictures are ready and they are FABULOUS!! I love them all and can't wait to get them printed. But looking at them all have brought back thoughts of the day and how perfect it was. There are a few things I would go back and do differently, like picking up my dress so I wouldn't trip going up the steps, lol. Anyway, I wrote something for Seth and was going to surprise him by reading it at the ceremony, but I was too emotional and knew I wouldn't be able to get through it. So I thought I would share it here with you :)
Sometimes I wonder how I got this lucky in my life. I never thought that God would bless me this much. He has given me someone who loves me for who I am and all that I am not. And with this man, He has also given me 2 beautiful, wonderful children. So I often wonder what I have done to deserve this. And then I stop wondering that, and I am just thankful for it.
The day that we met, I never imagined that we would be standing here almost 9 years later. You have given me so much in my life. We have been through many things, overcome obstacles and tribulations that we could not go around. But you taught me how to face things head on instead of avoiding them. And I know that I still do that sometimes, but I know that you will always be there to hold my hand and help me be strong. You have given me so many things and you have shown me how to be proud of myself. And when I feel that I just cannot do something and I am afraid of failing, you remind me of the faith that you have in me. And that’s when I know that I am stronger than I ever thought possible.
Our love and commitment have always shown through, no matter what anyone else thought. You know all of my strengths, as well as my flaws, and you still love me. I know that we are worth fighting for, and I’m glad that we have never given up on one another. We have stood beside each other through the years and supported each other, and I promise you that I will continue to do that. I will never give up on you, just as you have never given up on me.
Thank you for showing me how to be a better person and not be afraid to be myself. Thank you for always being an amazing father to our children. Thank you for walking through fire for me. And thank you for supporting me through everything. I love you, and I cannot wait to see where this life will take us.
Al so, if you are interested in viewing the pictures, you can see Erica Foley's at www.pictage.com/406114
And you can see Rachel Beasley's at www.lilachillphotography.com. Go to galleries, then sessions, and Allen Wedding. Password is: Meant2Be
Sometimes I wonder how I got this lucky in my life. I never thought that God would bless me this much. He has given me someone who loves me for who I am and all that I am not. And with this man, He has also given me 2 beautiful, wonderful children. So I often wonder what I have done to deserve this. And then I stop wondering that, and I am just thankful for it.
The day that we met, I never imagined that we would be standing here almost 9 years later. You have given me so much in my life. We have been through many things, overcome obstacles and tribulations that we could not go around. But you taught me how to face things head on instead of avoiding them. And I know that I still do that sometimes, but I know that you will always be there to hold my hand and help me be strong. You have given me so many things and you have shown me how to be proud of myself. And when I feel that I just cannot do something and I am afraid of failing, you remind me of the faith that you have in me. And that’s when I know that I am stronger than I ever thought possible.
Our love and commitment have always shown through, no matter what anyone else thought. You know all of my strengths, as well as my flaws, and you still love me. I know that we are worth fighting for, and I’m glad that we have never given up on one another. We have stood beside each other through the years and supported each other, and I promise you that I will continue to do that. I will never give up on you, just as you have never given up on me.
Thank you for showing me how to be a better person and not be afraid to be myself. Thank you for always being an amazing father to our children. Thank you for walking through fire for me. And thank you for supporting me through everything. I love you, and I cannot wait to see where this life will take us.
Al so, if you are interested in viewing the pictures, you can see Erica Foley's at www.pictage.com/406114
And you can see Rachel Beasley's at www.lilachillphotography.com. Go to galleries, then sessions, and Allen Wedding. Password is: Meant2Be
Friday, June 6, 2008
Thoughts of my Granny...
So as most of you know, I am very lucky to live in the house that belonged to my Granny before she died. I have SO many memories in this place from childhood, and it makes me happy that my kids are growing up here. Sure, it's an old house and I complain about it sometimes, but in all reality I know how lucky I am to be here. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I'll wake up and the house will smell exactly the way that it did when I was a kid. I'll hear a train whistle blowing, or hear the owl hooting right outside the window. And then I can picture the house the way that it was when she was alive. I love it when that happens.
My Granny was a very spunky lady, and she died when she was 85 years old. You never would have known she was that old by looking at her, though. And she definitely didn't act her age either. She was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2000, and died soon after that. The last time I saw her was on my 19th birthday. Just a week before that, they said she wouldn't make it. She was unresponsive and her organs had started to shut down. But she pulled out of it. And I walked into her hospital room on my birthday, and there she was sitting up in bed. She was so with it, that she knew what day it was before I could even tell her. We talked for awhile and then I left. The doctors said she would be fine and released soon. I was busy with work and other things after that, so I just planned on seeing her when she got out of the hospital. She died 1 week later on June 16th, and I never got to say goodbye. It was my fault, I should have made more time. But hindsight is 20/20, right?
How ironic is it that 2 years later Brooklyn's due date was June 16th? However, she decided to come 2 days early, but still....ironic nonetheless. Here is something I wrote for my Granny that I read at her funeral:
Memories of you float back to me
My Granny was a very spunky lady, and she died when she was 85 years old. You never would have known she was that old by looking at her, though. And she definitely didn't act her age either. She was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2000, and died soon after that. The last time I saw her was on my 19th birthday. Just a week before that, they said she wouldn't make it. She was unresponsive and her organs had started to shut down. But she pulled out of it. And I walked into her hospital room on my birthday, and there she was sitting up in bed. She was so with it, that she knew what day it was before I could even tell her. We talked for awhile and then I left. The doctors said she would be fine and released soon. I was busy with work and other things after that, so I just planned on seeing her when she got out of the hospital. She died 1 week later on June 16th, and I never got to say goodbye. It was my fault, I should have made more time. But hindsight is 20/20, right?
How ironic is it that 2 years later Brooklyn's due date was June 16th? However, she decided to come 2 days early, but still....ironic nonetheless. Here is something I wrote for my Granny that I read at her funeral:
Memories of you float back to me
Reminding me of my childhood
What I once was
Where I have come from
And what I am becoming because of you.
I remember the breakfast you used to make just for me
I remember the breakfast you used to make just for me
The vanilla wafers that we always shared
The card games you taught me when I was young
The kiss on my cheek you gave me before I left you each time.
I remember the way you used to let me sit on your lap
I remember the way you used to let me sit on your lap
The television shows we used to watch
The way we would talk in bed at night before I fell asleep
All the times you were there for me.
I remember when you would pick me up from school before I could drive
I remember when you would pick me up from school before I could drive
The way you would always have a turkey sandwich waiting for me
The smell of your pillows when I'd wake up in the middle of the night
The smile you'd always give me when you were proud of me.
I remember how you never gave up on anyone or anything
I remember how you never gave up on anyone or anything
The love and dedication you always put forth
The time you spent with those in need
The sacrifices you made.
I remember the strength in you that I always admired
I remember the strength in you that I always admired
The loyalty you had for your family and friends
The way you were there for every milestone in my life
The faith you had in your family and in God.
I know you will never truly be gone
I know you will never truly be gone
But remembered always for the great woman that you were
The friend that never stopped giving
The grandmother that never stopped caring.
You are an angel from Heaven
You are an angel from Heaven
Watching us, protecting us
Giving me the strength to say goodbye
Allowing me to tell you that my heart will never forget
But will always remember you
And blessing me with your presence.
I love you, Granny.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Just a little update...
Well, just thought I would update a little bit since it's been awhile. Last week I was off for the whole week and it was awesome!! I kinda hated going back to work yesterday, but once I got there it was no big deal. I do love my job, but it's hard now that Brooklyn is out of school for the summer. I would much rather stay home and take the kids to do all kinds of cool things. But what can ya do?
Brooklyn also graduated from Kindergarten last week. I can't believe she's about to turn 6 years old AND be a 1st grader! It absolutely blows my mind. It's hard for me to remember her as a baby, though. And that's just because there was no Willie when she was that little and it's hard to imagine life without him in it. Does that make sense to anyone else out there? I just can't imagine our family of 3 when it became a family of 4 just 22months later. Speaking of Willie, I got a letter the other day telling us that he got into the city school preschool program at Bellwood for the fall! He's SO excited about starting there and being in school just like his big sister :)
On that note, it makes my job plans a little different. As much as I love my job and all that comes with it, the hours kind of suck. With both kids being in school in the fall, the hours just don't leave much time with my family. It would be me picking them up in the afternoons just to drop them off someplace else for me to go back to work. Then I would get home right before bedtime, and the thought of that makes me really sad. I feel like I just wouldn't get to spend the time with my family that I need to and that they deserve. So I'm at a crossroads with this one. So I'm just praying about it and keeping my options open. I haven't talked to my boss about it, but I'm sure it's not going to be news he likes. So cross your fingers for me!
As for Seth and I, well....things are going pretty great :) People keep asking me how married life is and honestly, it's no different from before. I guess being together for almost 9 years before the formality makes a bit of a difference ;) Oh well...as long as life is good for the kids and for him, I'm good.
Here are a couple more pictures I've been sent by Rachel and Erica from the wedding :)
Brooklyn also graduated from Kindergarten last week. I can't believe she's about to turn 6 years old AND be a 1st grader! It absolutely blows my mind. It's hard for me to remember her as a baby, though. And that's just because there was no Willie when she was that little and it's hard to imagine life without him in it. Does that make sense to anyone else out there? I just can't imagine our family of 3 when it became a family of 4 just 22months later. Speaking of Willie, I got a letter the other day telling us that he got into the city school preschool program at Bellwood for the fall! He's SO excited about starting there and being in school just like his big sister :)
On that note, it makes my job plans a little different. As much as I love my job and all that comes with it, the hours kind of suck. With both kids being in school in the fall, the hours just don't leave much time with my family. It would be me picking them up in the afternoons just to drop them off someplace else for me to go back to work. Then I would get home right before bedtime, and the thought of that makes me really sad. I feel like I just wouldn't get to spend the time with my family that I need to and that they deserve. So I'm at a crossroads with this one. So I'm just praying about it and keeping my options open. I haven't talked to my boss about it, but I'm sure it's not going to be news he likes. So cross your fingers for me!
As for Seth and I, well....things are going pretty great :) People keep asking me how married life is and honestly, it's no different from before. I guess being together for almost 9 years before the formality makes a bit of a difference ;) Oh well...as long as life is good for the kids and for him, I'm good.
Here are a couple more pictures I've been sent by Rachel and Erica from the wedding :)
Friday, May 16, 2008
A Married Woman!
The day finally came and is gone! And it was a freakin awesome day :) It was seriously everything that I imagined and more. It was so perfect and beautiful. I admit, I totally got a little teary here and there, but I didn't have a total meltdown or anything. I've gotten a lot of the pictures back that people took, and luckily for me, my 2 fabulous photographers are e-mailing me a few here and there when they get time. The one on the left is by Erica Foley and the one on the right is by Rachel Beasley. I love them both and cannot wait to see the rest of them. Thank you SO much for being a part of my day, girls. It was so much fun and you both are SO talented!!
I've also gotten a lot of comments about my tattoo on my shoulder and asking the meaning of it. I know that I already posted about it, but I have never explained why the word "Faith" is so important to me. When I was a teenager, probably about 14 or 15, I dealt with a lot of depression. So much, in fact, that I had terrible thoughts and completely isolated myself from people. Then I started going to church and the youth leader, David Spring, reached out to me. I started meeting with him on a weekly basis, and he honestly probably saved my life. Faith was a big part of our meetings. The way he explained it to me made so much sense and really touched my life. He said that faith is as simple as the scripture: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." It's SO true and we all use faith everyday and just don't know it. It's like in that Indiana Jones movie, the third one, I think. Indy is searching for the holy grail and has to pass certain tests to get to it. One is a HUGE ravine with no possibly way to get over it. And he remembers about faith. He closes his eyes and takes a step into the unknown. But there's a bridge to catch him before he falls. It was always there, but he couldn't see it until he had faith that it was there. That's our daily lives. We can't see God or know that He is physically there, but He has a hand in everything that we do. We just have to have the faith that He is there and will guide us. Anyway, there's my story. David Spring changed my life and my outlook on it. So now when I am unsure about things, I close my eyes and pray for the wisdom and courage, and have faith that I can do it because God has faith in me.
I also have faith in my family. Without Seth, Brooklyn, and Wil, I have nothing. So my tattoo is a reminder of what I have and what I am thankful for in my life. And also that it's important to have faith in everything. So there ya go. There's my perspective on that. And did I mention that I'm oh so happy?! ;)
I've also gotten a lot of comments about my tattoo on my shoulder and asking the meaning of it. I know that I already posted about it, but I have never explained why the word "Faith" is so important to me. When I was a teenager, probably about 14 or 15, I dealt with a lot of depression. So much, in fact, that I had terrible thoughts and completely isolated myself from people. Then I started going to church and the youth leader, David Spring, reached out to me. I started meeting with him on a weekly basis, and he honestly probably saved my life. Faith was a big part of our meetings. The way he explained it to me made so much sense and really touched my life. He said that faith is as simple as the scripture: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." It's SO true and we all use faith everyday and just don't know it. It's like in that Indiana Jones movie, the third one, I think. Indy is searching for the holy grail and has to pass certain tests to get to it. One is a HUGE ravine with no possibly way to get over it. And he remembers about faith. He closes his eyes and takes a step into the unknown. But there's a bridge to catch him before he falls. It was always there, but he couldn't see it until he had faith that it was there. That's our daily lives. We can't see God or know that He is physically there, but He has a hand in everything that we do. We just have to have the faith that He is there and will guide us. Anyway, there's my story. David Spring changed my life and my outlook on it. So now when I am unsure about things, I close my eyes and pray for the wisdom and courage, and have faith that I can do it because God has faith in me.
I also have faith in my family. Without Seth, Brooklyn, and Wil, I have nothing. So my tattoo is a reminder of what I have and what I am thankful for in my life. And also that it's important to have faith in everything. So there ya go. There's my perspective on that. And did I mention that I'm oh so happy?! ;)
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Getting Close...
Well, it's almost THE day. It kinda stresses me out, but then again I'm just ready for it to be here. The only thing is that I've been sick the last few days. Everyone says it's just because my life has been so crazy for the last month and I haven't had a break. And I'm sure they're right because I seriously have been going non-stop. But my managers at work are totally understanding and have given me the rest of the week off to finish stuff up for the wedding and to rest and get better. Leslee and Shannon freakin rock :)
This past weekend we had our Fun Meet at work for the little ones and it was a HUGE success! They all were SO cute and it was so much fun working with them. I definitely didn't mind being there because it was more fun than work. Brooklyn and Wil did it on Sunday and did an awesome job! I'll have to get some pictures up of them. But every kid got a gold medal just for participating, and they are so proud of them. Brooklyn also got invited to join the All Stars team, which is awesome. I'm so proud of her!
So basically for the next few days, I've just got to pull some things together and make sure everything is set for Saturday. Right now the forecast is calling for rain, so please pray and cross your fingers that it doesn't b/c I really want my reception to be outside! I know it will all work out.
Tiffany also planned my bachelorette party this past weekend. We met up at Rachel's house and then headed off to Nashville to dance and have fun. I wasn't feeling well at all on Saturday, but I'm so glad that I sucked it up and toughed it out, because I had an awesome time! Thanks to everyone who came; it meant a lot to me :) If you want to see pics from that, go to my myspace page. I uploaded them all this morning.
This past weekend we had our Fun Meet at work for the little ones and it was a HUGE success! They all were SO cute and it was so much fun working with them. I definitely didn't mind being there because it was more fun than work. Brooklyn and Wil did it on Sunday and did an awesome job! I'll have to get some pictures up of them. But every kid got a gold medal just for participating, and they are so proud of them. Brooklyn also got invited to join the All Stars team, which is awesome. I'm so proud of her!
So basically for the next few days, I've just got to pull some things together and make sure everything is set for Saturday. Right now the forecast is calling for rain, so please pray and cross your fingers that it doesn't b/c I really want my reception to be outside! I know it will all work out.
Tiffany also planned my bachelorette party this past weekend. We met up at Rachel's house and then headed off to Nashville to dance and have fun. I wasn't feeling well at all on Saturday, but I'm so glad that I sucked it up and toughed it out, because I had an awesome time! Thanks to everyone who came; it meant a lot to me :) If you want to see pics from that, go to my myspace page. I uploaded them all this morning.
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